tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20847146101492166342024-02-20T23:02:00.653-07:00Thoughts From a Trash CanTake a trip inside my head...Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-82158573497018159692017-10-24T11:27:00.002-07:002017-10-24T11:48:54.316-07:00Silver Linings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQtNO3OFMfvqQ87tLtRzPut33JaEC8njB21fmAUBf2keYI8cSzRtJvZj0ZJKoF0CeuLs0zDresCSqD8LvT7E4PtDgPP1RDjqkfxZ24TvQ42Yk4HV64X_kby1FP21Dnqx733IP68b62qtef/s1600/friends.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="636" data-original-width="604" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQtNO3OFMfvqQ87tLtRzPut33JaEC8njB21fmAUBf2keYI8cSzRtJvZj0ZJKoF0CeuLs0zDresCSqD8LvT7E4PtDgPP1RDjqkfxZ24TvQ42Yk4HV64X_kby1FP21Dnqx733IP68b62qtef/s320/friends.jpg" width="303" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sometimes a tragedy (or two) has to happen to really open
your eyes to something. It’s so unfortunate that this is the case but I try to
find the silver lining in shitty situations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Recently I attended a friend’s memorial service. I was
anxious about going because leading up to his ceremony his brother and I were
not getting along very well. This is
someone who I have always admired and cherished as a friend and so being at
odds was not a comfortable situation especially when going to honor his brother—there
was no way around interacting with him. It didn’t matter though, anxious or
not, I would not let something like that stand in my way of doing what I wanted
to do, which was celebrate my late friend’s life. Later that night, not only
did things get smoothed out between me and the brother but he said many things
to me, about me, that let me know that he actually pays attention to things I
do and say. As sad as it sounds, this concept feels foreign to me. A friend, a
male friend no less, remarking on my state of mind, likes and dislikes, and
showing genuine concern for how I was feeling. I was trying to brush it all off because after
all, he had just lost his brother. No need to put attention on me. However, his
words and actions meant so much to me and represented exactly what a true friend
is all about--thanks Dave.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Fast forward just one day to the day I received some
horrible news. An employee of mine, who I had also become extremely close to,
had passed away over the weekend. I am completely beside myself over how much
the loss of her hurts. Not only is my friend gone but I have to deal with the
employer side of things and that just really sucks. I want to go crawl in a
hole. But of course, as adults, we can’t do that can we? So I must keep going.
I have been crying off and on and knew getting through my Tuesday morning
workout was going to be a struggle. It’s true I’m a morning person and I love
to workout. However, right now I feel SAD. Truly, sad. I am not one who hides her emotions well so I
knew that when I was asked, “How are you today?” the tears would probably
start. I was so pleased that for this workout I got Coach Chris. He immediately
saw through the bullshit of my response of, “I’m okay” and said, “No you’re
not.” I broke down in tears and told him what had happened (he is the owner of
the gym so he understands that dynamic as well). I mentioned that I wasn’t sure
why I’m taking it so hard and he simply said, “I do, it’s because you’re all
heart.” Yet, another statement from someone who pays attention and makes me
feel okay to be me and that I’m a good person.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I often catch myself apologizing for being “me”. I label
myself as difficult, weird, emotional, and exhausting. I’m not entirely sure why I do this. I guess
because I probably give too much of myself to people who truly haven’t earned
it/can’t handle it. When I over explain myself or share something with them
thinking it will be a nice bonding experience it’s because I value them as a
friend. However, when they don’t reciprocate (or just get freaked out) I should
take that as a sign and not do it again unless I get more general input from
them. Instead what I end up doing is apologizing. I think I apologize out of
fear of losing the friendship. However, as I’m typing that out, it seems
ridiculous. No one should ever have to apologize for being themselves. Either
people will appreciate who you are, value you, and remind you how special you
are, or they won’t. And if they don’t, perhaps you shouldn’t invest as much
time into them. That is my take-away from all of this. It’s not easy though,
and it hurts when people let me down…even when they don’t mean to. I know that
I build people up in my head to be more than what they really are, so I’m
definitely just as much at fault. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have many more friends than just the two I mentioned here
that do what I described (and it probably goes without saying but John as well…always).
I mention these two though because both were so recent and both were men (who I
seem to have a hard time trusting and getting respect from). And those who do
respect me usually don’t verbalize appreciation for my friendship or why. Even
though, I could easily do that for them, and probably do. More shit for me to work on I suppose.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am going to try really hard to:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A) Not build people up to be more than what they are or are
capable of being <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">B) Be more cautious who I invest time into<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">C) Stop apologizing for being ME<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-70878422765183114212016-12-21T16:20:00.001-07:002016-12-21T16:20:23.162-07:00Amy the Athlete<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPPIDit-O2-Acg6ERZpi_2zcalTWnFV9mwviw-cJQxDC8iI33Ln1z_UvaBxuE_t6d5dmNXyZ5OVOG2BdBxlt6sn9-Uv92I0k1AAqySVcCbe4tdNCcXVu1TteRnda1U4_WZIrn4OiBE6_1R/s1600/pick+things+up.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPPIDit-O2-Acg6ERZpi_2zcalTWnFV9mwviw-cJQxDC8iI33Ln1z_UvaBxuE_t6d5dmNXyZ5OVOG2BdBxlt6sn9-Uv92I0k1AAqySVcCbe4tdNCcXVu1TteRnda1U4_WZIrn4OiBE6_1R/s320/pick+things+up.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I am an athlete.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This might amuse some of you or make you scratch your head…it
definitely has had that effect on me whenever someone has described me this
way. “But I don’t play a sport and I’m not training for any competition and the
ones I have are only temporary things.” I didn’t realize that’s not what makes
an athlete. I know when my personal trainer Chris reads this he’s either going
to want to roll his eyes or smile in amazement that I FINALLY get it! (I’m
guessing the latter because of the awesome support he’s always given me and
time to figure things out on my own). However, I’M rolling my eyes because it
has taken me so long to get to this place where I (think) I can say “I am an
athlete.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How am I an athlete when I don’t play sports and I’m not
training for a competition? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because of my mindset and dedication.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t work-out because
I feel that I should. I don’t drag myself out of bed to go to the gym and then
just do the motions. I LOVE working out. I LOVE feeling strong and making
gains. I love knowing how much weight I’m lifting and comparing it to what I <i>was</i> doing and keeping track of my
improvements (and honestly comparing it to others’). I take that shit pretty
seriously! I strive to be better (almost) every single time and honestly thrive
on that feeling. I don’t skip workouts—I skip life to make sure I am ready for
the gym in the morning. I talk about each workout, sometimes in great detail,
to poor John (bless him for asking and listening) because it excites me to share
my journey each day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Likewise I don’t try to live a healthy lifestyle because I
feel that I should. I used to but not anymore. I am happy to say that now I do
so to support my fitness goals, which ultimately tie into wanting to be healthy
and strong for a long, long time to come. I’m still fine tuning my eating to
match up with my VERY new mindset of believing I’m an athlete but I do feel
this may be a huge piece of the puzzle that’s been holding me back in achieving
even better results than I already have. Yes, Chris, if this is true you will
be right yet again, damn you! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How else do I know I’m an athlete? I’m writing a freakin’
blog about it! Who does that?! Someone who is excited about health and fitness,
that’s who. And someone who is excited about these things and is as dedicated
as I am is, in fact, an athlete.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-1728306579926474762015-08-05T12:16:00.000-07:002015-08-05T12:16:08.901-07:00Accepting My LARGE Self<div class="MsoNormal">
Just over 3 years ago I had surgery on my left foot. This
was also the same time that John moved to Tucson. In the year following these
events I gained 50 pounds. Partly due to not being able to get around much and
partly due to the new relationship “curse” where you become super comfortable
and tend to eat like crap. It has been a rough three years since then regarding
weight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It seems as though no matter what I do or try I can’t drop
the weight I gained. I have lost some but not nearly as much as I want to. It’s
okay though because recently I have been working with my personal trainer at
the gym to change my eating habits. This has been very effective and I
definitely feel much better and I know that I am healthy, (my blood work from
the doctor’s office verifies this). However, I just can’t seem to drop the
weight. I am not looking for suggestions or opinions as to why this might be. I
believe it has to do with a mental block of some sort. No matter though, the
important thing is that I’m healthy and I physically feel good.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Does that mean I’m comfortable with the way I look?? Hell
no. It really bothers me actually—especially when I see pictures of myself. I
feel okay until I see how big I actually look in a picture. This would normally
keep me from taking photos or posting photos but I realized that this reasoning
is bullshit. Anyone can take a good picture at just the right angle to make
themselves look prettier or thinner or whatever. But you still aren’t fooling
yourself so what’s the point? I don’t want to not post pictures because I feel
fat and disgusting. I want to post them, showing events and my involvement. I
almost didn’t post the picture of me with my brother because I know I look
HUGE. But that made me sad because the picture isn’t about me, it’s about him
and how awesome he did! Who cares what I look like?? I was happy and proud and
that’s all that should matter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know people who don’t see me regularly look at pictures I
post and think “damn, she gained a lot of weight,” and you know what, you’re
right! But I’m healthier than I’ve ever been and eventually the weight will
come off but in the meantime LIFE HAPPENS. It’s okay if you look at pictures of
me and wonder what happened and that I used to look so much better. Trust me, I
know this. But to not post pictures and capture moments would be far sadder
than wondering what people are thinking about me.<o:p></o:p></div>
Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-40416005923576802172015-07-16T06:38:00.001-07:002015-07-16T06:45:20.169-07:00My Solo Trip to Miraval Arizona<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX4tlr6N1C-u5FMSL-wAG8uJI2FQGbsjdNfeeLq9FdP3eKwwyz8vZYu8nSVGWkrw0y9mmBwNfTpOpmXj8peDjvlGgP0Zd1dkeit7Ms_GHikfobvqLImBYkppnNULSdUC0vLKfl6h7Phv2Z/s1600/miraval.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX4tlr6N1C-u5FMSL-wAG8uJI2FQGbsjdNfeeLq9FdP3eKwwyz8vZYu8nSVGWkrw0y9mmBwNfTpOpmXj8peDjvlGgP0Zd1dkeit7Ms_GHikfobvqLImBYkppnNULSdUC0vLKfl6h7Phv2Z/s1600/miraval.jpg" /></a></div>
It’s been around a month since I spent 4 glorious days and 3
nights at Miraval. While I was there I made video journals of my experience.
I’ve been hesitant to post all of them because they’re lengthy and I figured no
one would want to watch hours of me talking. So, about a week after my vacation
I made a video summary of my experience which is still pretty long but much
shorter than all my other videos. However, some people have expressed desire to
watch my experience as it unfolds so I have decided to post both the summary (at the bottom)
and all the individual videos I made while I was at Miraval. Additionally I
have included some sped up footage of the property (sorry if it makes you dizzy!) and some pictures of the
food I enjoyed as well as some other random things, and perhaps a celebrity as
well ;)<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Obviously, feel free to skip ahead as you see fit and all
comments and/or questions are appreciated. I’m curious to see if anyone sees a
difference from the first day I arrived to the last. I know I can see a change
in not only my face but my overall aura. And finally, I am sorry it has taken me so long to post this. I have had the worst luck getting my footage formatted correctly and to a site that would upload it, ugh. Enjoy!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/jXN4ykH_5GQ/default.jpg?sqp=CKzhnq0F&rs=AOn4CLDnvisk5DA_aiRr7o_oNrQnxu89Uw" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jXN4ykH_5GQ?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/gLveG0Xs5kI/default.jpg?sqp=CKzhnq0F&rs=AOn4CLCU7Yjbcsk7Si3EZkbF26Y5DRUDuQ" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/gLveG0Xs5kI?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/ZS2J7W4HUtM/default.jpg?sqp=CKzhnq0F&rs=AOn4CLCpY6FzB04OunDKGdpTfkSR7pBLhw" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZS2J7W4HUtM?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/979LrgbUiqc/default.jpg?sqp=CKzhnq0F&rs=AOn4CLCC9GBP5-CCqTboZrlI_EP1mKoOzw" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/979LrgbUiqc?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/TmXY7pL6Mbw/default.jpg?sqp=CKzhnq0F&rs=AOn4CLBGa_JfjybXlYtxxw9JD4CSJjIjzA" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TmXY7pL6Mbw?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/9_z0ouMMoNw/default.jpg?sqp=CKzhnq0F&rs=AOn4CLDgGiPLIGJtlUAISUOm2kBqXWGquQ" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9_z0ouMMoNw?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/NLO6fCMjMUY/default.jpg?sqp=CKzhnq0F&rs=AOn4CLCy0EGg986unRBMSPc_54zHMxZYkg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/NLO6fCMjMUY?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/HbPZ6i22zf8/default.jpg?sqp=CKzhnq0F&rs=AOn4CLCqZDoYY-IgC0JkJoNoYqsWfa0sbw" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/HbPZ6i22zf8?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic9N0t_CoP6ouiZxOcZKTS3CSWibuJZHP5GaS9FbJHwJm9tTR3R56O9O-B1wac50T6Gzk_52ioyhmLN2_ppKoTXCQ2xsKGoUTcB8skSqu8BEDP_4fWz8y014IFKQH62zHkzwacMm2DNGg9/s1600/IMG_2645.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic9N0t_CoP6ouiZxOcZKTS3CSWibuJZHP5GaS9FbJHwJm9tTR3R56O9O-B1wac50T6Gzk_52ioyhmLN2_ppKoTXCQ2xsKGoUTcB8skSqu8BEDP_4fWz8y014IFKQH62zHkzwacMm2DNGg9/s320/IMG_2645.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dinner sign-up sheet</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU9AvztxPBO7Ya4snS9oo3XehczB03W3xt3FaGAuDrWQC0IYuRScXVdUXjp7t2c-zK6JuyEvpxI6w5wziRWKiLX9bF6OohUOjZPpXjjK-MKDODkVcQ9f2Jo9jOzuJTti8MGBacBXaEqpVM/s1600/IMG_2646.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU9AvztxPBO7Ya4snS9oo3XehczB03W3xt3FaGAuDrWQC0IYuRScXVdUXjp7t2c-zK6JuyEvpxI6w5wziRWKiLX9bF6OohUOjZPpXjjK-MKDODkVcQ9f2Jo9jOzuJTti8MGBacBXaEqpVM/s320/IMG_2646.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Buffet-style lunch</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaG-72OI_iYH-ZMQ6HX_CaTK5Fpwyec7Tr1Ugosy32BeY1-dY4dml5Eyqs6mSr7XAlRW64K_YDAaxrKoByZOhYsBFEt_0cyL2AJUGRkKkaEsJZ1VypAXK-O0yeHxzzbFplb1SEWUTNFbAp/s1600/IMG_2647.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaG-72OI_iYH-ZMQ6HX_CaTK5Fpwyec7Tr1Ugosy32BeY1-dY4dml5Eyqs6mSr7XAlRW64K_YDAaxrKoByZOhYsBFEt_0cyL2AJUGRkKkaEsJZ1VypAXK-O0yeHxzzbFplb1SEWUTNFbAp/s320/IMG_2647.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty picture colored by me :P</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZliS8hzewpTyzVPpnQ6EPCQLu0tEjnK4IV_Q7TaPa0n5egYy_y24sAYtEfmhlwN2j7OyDX5TEQqWZosObSw0SuJh61w7nfXP8TaH9ejhSIzMvMOpv7K-SjW-W6geQWZ4jxx8RPZh_fIGn/s1600/IMG_2652.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZliS8hzewpTyzVPpnQ6EPCQLu0tEjnK4IV_Q7TaPa0n5egYy_y24sAYtEfmhlwN2j7OyDX5TEQqWZosObSw0SuJh61w7nfXP8TaH9ejhSIzMvMOpv7K-SjW-W6geQWZ4jxx8RPZh_fIGn/s320/IMG_2652.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Buckwheat pancakes!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi86cvoy5F5aTGSEIjOsP95XnfOO5TQuU-cja8f2vzvFmsnMc0vDbU9tkerTjle_z6MS_fonLNW_B4bty1ygVkfw1Tr_8l1IyJJlt_tCDZEA0fNFps_nop5ERO9OpMEiaPRqkb__21Q_K_p/s1600/IMG_2654.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi86cvoy5F5aTGSEIjOsP95XnfOO5TQuU-cja8f2vzvFmsnMc0vDbU9tkerTjle_z6MS_fonLNW_B4bty1ygVkfw1Tr_8l1IyJJlt_tCDZEA0fNFps_nop5ERO9OpMEiaPRqkb__21Q_K_p/s320/IMG_2654.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Menu lunch</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLi4uW5SrrnIQj8QyHb-f47X0UE-WIOWs0p0Grai1sNp9Mv-s6en0JQwXH8Xqk4j7SifSxA2j6aDynZ_H6gsusI5jrFas1c721i3moH3iQt6vfHP2Y-FOI68hY2UB-Hss-i4Q_Eomu748l/s1600/IMG_2655+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLi4uW5SrrnIQj8QyHb-f47X0UE-WIOWs0p0Grai1sNp9Mv-s6en0JQwXH8Xqk4j7SifSxA2j6aDynZ_H6gsusI5jrFas1c721i3moH3iQt6vfHP2Y-FOI68hY2UB-Hss-i4Q_Eomu748l/s320/IMG_2655+%25282%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Naga Thai massage room</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk4orTpMNwuO_-CwsNxgvt4d9G34LCNr_y5xzmpTfk_X6Qf1Ca5UJ4TnDPv8i6Cezn3jKyDJ5WIJPbNOTkBG07wWJ_OH9L4yltKPnkgt-9Ij-7pf-SL1l3Ba7oRjzdeOTAKwNkKFsjdked/s1600/IMG_2658.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk4orTpMNwuO_-CwsNxgvt4d9G34LCNr_y5xzmpTfk_X6Qf1Ca5UJ4TnDPv8i6Cezn3jKyDJ5WIJPbNOTkBG07wWJ_OH9L4yltKPnkgt-9Ij-7pf-SL1l3Ba7oRjzdeOTAKwNkKFsjdked/s320/IMG_2658.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Delicious spicy watermelon appetizer</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaR6BHGGqy7iVQrmmO49IDp_U20xW0UtkWYySasM-Re8KKllHA2vS_nBc3xG-c_xUY5lITylfF1Aiq5u-EyoEliK9Bolp5sDHWj5UyvtPRraToTEwOKms4EkAA5Vucc2x5oFtdLUlAjAV-/s1600/IMG_2659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaR6BHGGqy7iVQrmmO49IDp_U20xW0UtkWYySasM-Re8KKllHA2vS_nBc3xG-c_xUY5lITylfF1Aiq5u-EyoEliK9Bolp5sDHWj5UyvtPRraToTEwOKms4EkAA5Vucc2x5oFtdLUlAjAV-/s320/IMG_2659.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another appetizer</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGu45K9sbBj4rJElMjfI_mNmO9rQMfWlK3y7b5U743leZSfUD_Z57oWPoGAxCZQMEBpexM3IYFlrZ4NnoOTLl9c8IqHvxW-IMIEqweYeor2qK6h9YmszRwmrSQboff96prcBcsAPlA8FiV/s1600/IMG_2661.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGu45K9sbBj4rJElMjfI_mNmO9rQMfWlK3y7b5U743leZSfUD_Z57oWPoGAxCZQMEBpexM3IYFlrZ4NnoOTLl9c8IqHvxW-IMIEqweYeor2qK6h9YmszRwmrSQboff96prcBcsAPlA8FiV/s320/IMG_2661.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cool clouds</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNbSsI-C3BgjTzltD0fKuogqmjPQtwLCj2upcl1kSOFRg7dfg47v0TgdFd7G5Mtzb1Zoni2B7KLjuXG1SpLv2ATVl_xgIoR27xNWgNw1yEM7s4oAXB7vlV1p7h4x4TF3ldZmIinDeAWmDf/s1600/IMG_2663.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNbSsI-C3BgjTzltD0fKuogqmjPQtwLCj2upcl1kSOFRg7dfg47v0TgdFd7G5Mtzb1Zoni2B7KLjuXG1SpLv2ATVl_xgIoR27xNWgNw1yEM7s4oAXB7vlV1p7h4x4TF3ldZmIinDeAWmDf/s320/IMG_2663.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dr Oz!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP62SJj_wtcpnvhMX_HyTpl0zj8IjnvObg9DproNHsbC8ukR7Kpa8W9ElqYxX263NtmBSTqKMy-fl5WTpox37CXql0ITyXVIrvSVdVnBA90BKgNmMQzkVjcPKIBl8F2MgioB9TeCwHP-9X/s1600/IMG_2664.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP62SJj_wtcpnvhMX_HyTpl0zj8IjnvObg9DproNHsbC8ukR7Kpa8W9ElqYxX263NtmBSTqKMy-fl5WTpox37CXql0ITyXVIrvSVdVnBA90BKgNmMQzkVjcPKIBl8F2MgioB9TeCwHP-9X/s320/IMG_2664.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">More appetizers</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8sToVD_0wJhx5QJQUqdFN1MXb3n09F_I99Oj-Hf1jM8jOLj-jp1UwR2kf8yV9XWurnz14nKOlztC3uUnUR98Ewt6P5rskANrL0vB-Afr50LQg5BNDgpzFbRZcLYojLQZy0o0gl__uIcUs/s1600/IMG_2665.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8sToVD_0wJhx5QJQUqdFN1MXb3n09F_I99Oj-Hf1jM8jOLj-jp1UwR2kf8yV9XWurnz14nKOlztC3uUnUR98Ewt6P5rskANrL0vB-Afr50LQg5BNDgpzFbRZcLYojLQZy0o0gl__uIcUs/s320/IMG_2665.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Polenta lasagna</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/-7hSXRUF-vA/default.jpg?sqp=CKzhnq0F&rs=AOn4CLBSY-yQwSw2LtCQvzXGZQHxh3L0VQ" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-7hSXRUF-vA?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
THANK YOU!!!! :)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-65318469407787658282013-09-26T14:33:00.000-07:002013-09-26T14:33:00.615-07:00Perceptions vs. Communication<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
It’s interesting to find out how people perceive you. It’s
also interesting to realize that how people perceive you is based on what is
going on in their life at the time and not on what is going on in your life. I
find this to be completely backwards. Let me explain…
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You work with someone who always seems miserable. They
complain about their workload, make loud sighs throughout the day, and just
never seem to smile. Your perception is that they dislike their job (or maybe
even life). You think this because of how they behave but not just how they
behave in general but how their behavior makes YOU feel. You like work. Well
maybe you don’t like work but you’re glad to have a job. You’re friendly and
outgoing with your co-workers and you enjoy laughing. This person’s behavior
bothers you because of how YOU view work not because of how they behave. If you
knew more about what was going on with them you might understand better why
they seem so miserable at work. It might not have anything to do with work. And
really the only reason you even care at all is because of your views about work
and not because you care about their feelings. If you really, really think
about this you’ll realize it’s true.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So why would you know more about what was going on with
their life? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You probably wouldn’t and it really isn’t necessary, this
person is just a co-worker. But what if this story was about a friend of yours?
A friend’s behavior is strange, bad, good, confusing, etc… and you make a
perception (often known as jumping to a conclusion) about what their mood is
all about. If you’re a good friend you’ll figure out what is going on with them
to spark that change. You’ll try to figure it out FROM them and not just make
assumptions. What you perceive to be true probably isn’t true if you just base
your perception off of their behavior and how it fits into your day but rather
the truth will come if you communicate with them and care enough to figure out
the true cause of their mood based on what is going on in their life...period.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I sure wish more people knew how to be good friends. It
would not only save me from hurt but them as well if they would only take the
time to communicate and not just assume.</div>
Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-18385617142912979302012-08-28T08:48:00.000-07:002012-08-28T08:50:02.438-07:00Restaurant Blues<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
What ever happened to being able to go out to a restaurant
and have a peaceful experience? Those days are long gone and it’s really
upsetting to me. My boyfriend and I like to go out to eat but we must do so
knowing that we’re probably going to be annoyed. If it’s not a screaming baby,
or a toddler playing drums with silverware, it’s a loud speaking adult sharing
inappropriate stories or just plain being annoying. And don’t think that
complaining will do any good. The most reaction we ever get is “Yeah, you’re
not the only ones to complain, sorry.” WTF is that?! If people are complaining
what is wrong with going over to the table and saying “Excuse me but your table
is disrupting other guests. We’re going to have to ask you to keep it down or
you’ll be asked to leave.” Back when I was a server I did this all the time.
Why should people be allowed to go out and cause a disturbance to those around
them?? I get that it’s not going to be silent. I understand that it’s not just
about me. But whatever happened to manners? It really is a shame. I’m going to
have to start leaving places that I like because the establishments act in fear
of those being loud. It’s absurd. I bet if I went in somewhere and started
cursing loudly I’d be asked to leave. I don’t see what the difference is. It
doesn’t seem to matter what time of day it is or how “upscale” the place is
either. Noise and rudeness are everywhere and I’m tired of it.</div>
Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-53467520249572818572012-07-30T15:26:00.001-07:002012-07-30T15:29:18.361-07:00If Size Was Only Just a Number...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Getting used to being fat is not easy. In fact it’s downright
depressing. When nothing fits right anymore and no matter how you angle a
mirror you still look fat…it’s hard to accept. I feel ashamed and embarrassed.
And I feel disgusting.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I started gaining weight around the time I met John, last
September. It didn’t become very apparent however until I had my foot surgery
mid-February. Being immobile makes it
very hard to burn calories. Laying around all day makes it easy to eat a lot
too. Mix those two things together and voila…weight gain central. It’s been
five months since my surgery and I’m just now getting back to being active
again. Well, kind of. I’m still very limited on what I can do. I discovered I’m
nowhere near ready for running :(<span style="font-family: Wingdings;"></span>
And I can only be on my feet for so long before I need to rest them. I’m not
trying to make any excuses…I know it just means I have to work extra hard at
the things I can do. I’ve been doing well with eating. I balance a pretty healthy
diet. But diet alone isn’t getting me where I want to be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I had surgery on my right foot, around 10 years ago, I lost
weight. I thought this time would be the
same. I kind of forgot that thing called age and how being fit becomes much
harder the older you get…ugh. I also didn’t have someone by my side the entire
time I was recovering last time to get me whatever I wanted, including food. So
naturally I put on some weight this time around. I mean it makes sense to me…if
I were anyone else. But since I am ME I think I’m a failure now that I am heavier.
I know I will lose the weight that I want to but in the meantime, being fat
sucks. I can’t imagine how it would feel if I were unhealthy too! At least I
have my health but being larger than I’m used to is very difficult for me. I
can’t bring myself to accept it. I know it’s my fault and that’s the hardest
part. I feel like I really let myself down. </div>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-32700870309163971602012-05-15T10:38:00.000-07:002012-05-15T11:01:50.155-07:00Life's Little Changes<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwU8MstaOqRtB-JL4eopauEfjoa9XyVKaScvxdA_6rDvd6SFJt0umOGkRMkKY7D8D_DBkqkX0H8Kh9SNk3LzquH_WK_cz_FiPfl_7IFAjobZ5p6_EyroGf_nKqso9Rs9HJrZVbiCnvbeyj/s1600/Ponsulak-Portfolio-1983-Freedigitalphotos.net_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwU8MstaOqRtB-JL4eopauEfjoa9XyVKaScvxdA_6rDvd6SFJt0umOGkRMkKY7D8D_DBkqkX0H8Kh9SNk3LzquH_WK_cz_FiPfl_7IFAjobZ5p6_EyroGf_nKqso9Rs9HJrZVbiCnvbeyj/s200/Ponsulak-Portfolio-1983-Freedigitalphotos.net_.jpg" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The choice to not have kids comes with some repercussions
that aren’t easy to accept sometimes. Around the time all your friends start
(and continue) having children their lives change. They are no longer available
whenever, they can no longer guarantee anything anymore. Luckily for them, they
are going to have other friends who are having babies who can relate. But what
about those of us who choose not to reproduce?? There is a stage of loneliness
that lasts until your friends kids are more grown up. During this time period
you more than likely will flock to older friends or possibly even younger ones who
don’t yet have children. We all have a need to be liked and to spend time with
friends. The truth is it’s much easier to do when you don’t have children. It’s
not impossible but it does become more difficult once a little one is dependent
on you. Additionally your priorities aren’t the same any more (or at least they
shouldn’t be!). Childless couples are still focusing on doing things for each
other and their finances flow a bit more freely with no extra expenses to worry
about unlike their counterparts. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I’m not saying that you will lose certain friends should
you choose to have children or not have children BUT things do become a lot
more complicated and sparse. During this
time you should try to remember that your friends aren’t abandoning you…they’re
just simply busier now than they used to be. This is hard for me to remember
sometimes. Occasionally it feels like the universe is punishing me because I don’t
want children. Since it isn’t the norm it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i>
hard at times. People are always asking why and how come and saying that I should
and that it’s a pity because I’d make a great mother. Who’s to say this is
true? And who’s to say THAT’S the reason why I choose not to have children?
Trust me, choosing not to reproduce is not a pity nor is it a shame. Nor is
there anything wrong with this choice. There are bouts of solitude however but
it’s not painful enough to make my own mini companion.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will always have friends who make time for me and other
friends who share the same choice in life as I do and are therefore more
available. But because it isn’t the most popular of choice, it is emotionally
difficult at times. I suppose it’s difficult anytime your life takes a turn and
heads in a different direction than your friends'—Kids vs. No Kids being one of
the biggest ones. I suggest you keep your friends but also get some new ones whose
lives are more parallel to your own. Once things settle down a bit you will be
glad you have all your old friends and new ones as well. Just don’t get
offended in the meantime if it seems you don’t have much in common anymore…you
will likely find some common ground once again.</div>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-78736164029674040922012-05-13T13:09:00.002-07:002012-05-13T13:11:44.765-07:00Body Realization<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh63WuidX00sEyZKX_XtN5mhOudny_jxkHFEWAkEH1qZQozBn7upXQDq_00Gs65s2cqjeTB7P1g4V5ga9y4szoiSPHuc9cnRHimy9Oz-dVzq_U4xsOfSrbQUYsV_I5kEDEMKQg-e_AxThOj/s1600/s180828918.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh63WuidX00sEyZKX_XtN5mhOudny_jxkHFEWAkEH1qZQozBn7upXQDq_00Gs65s2cqjeTB7P1g4V5ga9y4szoiSPHuc9cnRHimy9Oz-dVzq_U4xsOfSrbQUYsV_I5kEDEMKQg-e_AxThOj/s1600/s180828918.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday I looked at some photos that were taken right
after I bought my house in 2008. I looked at the pictures of myself and thought
“damn, I look skinny.” Well compared to my size today I was. But that’s not
what saddened me. What saddened me is that I remember that day. I remember
getting ready and having “nothing” to wear. I remember feeling fat and ugly. I
remember settling on something I didn’t feel very comfortable in but feeling
like I really had no other options. The saddest part about this remembrance is
that I have never felt comfortable with my body no matter what size it’s been.
I thought this time would be different. I keep telling myself, sure I wasn’t
comfortable back then but now if I were that size I would be. But um…I can also
remember thinking that very thought on other occasions after ballooning up a
bit and then back down. It didn’t matter, it was never good enough. I have
NEVER felt good about my body. So as I try so hard right now to get into shape
and become a healthy person once again I am disturbed by the fact that even if
I lose some weight and get into the best shape of my life, I am still not going
to love my body. Wow.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have got to learn how to love myself inside AND OUT no
matter what size I am. I have little idea of how to do this but I am going to try. I
have never been taught to love my appearance. What I have been taught is how to
pick people apart, pointing out all their flaws, including my own. I have tried
to pick out certain features before that I DO like and try to focus on those
but quickly I fall back into thinking “yeah but look at my _____”. I must put
an end to this. Because if I don’t I still will never be happy with how I look.
I want to keep tricking myself into thinking that this time will be different
but that has never been the case and I must try something new that might work
instead of failing over and over.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am going to continue to eat healthy and work out to some
degree daily. I have also decided to include Bikram yoga back into my life. This
practice was so good for me not only physically but mentally as well. And
mental reshaping is what I need most right now. I am also going to try to point
out positives about my body and steer away from the negatives. We all have
things we wish we could change. Someone out there is jealous of whatever you
feel your flaws are though…try to remember that. I hate looking at pictures of
myself right now because I look round and fat and it just breaks my heart to
see myself like that. However, now instead of focusing on THAT I want to try
and focus on how happy I look. And focus on the inner beauty I know I possess
pushing through.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is not going to be easy. But what a sobering thought to
realize that no matter how my body looks I am never going to be happy with it
unless I teach my mind to love it NOW. All these work out infomercials showing
people happy and vibrant after they’ve lost weight is crap. I mean, they might
really feel good and proud of their accomplishments, as they should, but the
true reality is that I bet they still don’t have anything to wear. And I bet
they still wish they had this or that or could just lose 5 more pounds. I vow
to only wear clothes I feel comfortable in, no matter what size they are. And I
vow to compliment myself on my appearance quietly to myself until I believe it.
Those of you who also suffer with body dysmorphic disorder know how personal of
a struggle it really is. Others could compliment me all day long and I still
see myself as gross. It really is sad because it holds me back from so many
things. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, enough is enough. It’s time to start loving myself from the
inside out. And it’s time to start doing so NOW.</div>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-32263121860726570422012-03-08T15:08:00.003-07:002012-03-08T15:11:14.085-07:00Knowing When To Stop<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_M7ObHZd5EW6Y2arjzCm6607uuECpHhQ1NWeSZ3QLp9o2PJciBFDE2RmLw42wnuUDtJ6FbUtJeGCBwk2bDNPb-6df8cCkeH5DlaRrNykWgnOUJ8CVKiijwWI4DRT7JUtR9mdxg1mKB47i/s1600/i%2527m+hungry+hunger.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 289px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_M7ObHZd5EW6Y2arjzCm6607uuECpHhQ1NWeSZ3QLp9o2PJciBFDE2RmLw42wnuUDtJ6FbUtJeGCBwk2bDNPb-6df8cCkeH5DlaRrNykWgnOUJ8CVKiijwWI4DRT7JUtR9mdxg1mKB47i/s320/i%2527m+hungry+hunger.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5717652155221629074" border="0" /></a><span lang="EN-US">In the past I’ve only considered two categories of fullness: </span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Full and Stuffed. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The first I thought was alright…I mean the whole point of eating is to fulfill a hunger so you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">should </i>feel full right? And then if you go too far you become stuffed which is bad. It leaves you feeling gross and bloated and it’s just not good to overeat. Well, I have learned of a new category—satisfied.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I always equaled satisfied with being full but they really are two different feelings. Most everyone’s body does certain things when it gets hungry to alert the individual that “Hey! It’s time to eat!” but when do those feelings and sounds subside? When you take your first bite? Probably not. Or maybe for a second but then seconds later you will still feel hungry. So when does your body actually stop telling you it’s hungry? Whenever that point is, that is when you become satisfied, at least internally. I know that some people need to be visually satisfied when they eat and they might not achieve this at the first sign of hunger pains diminishing. My point here today however is to talk about becoming internally satisfied.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">How do most people determine when to stop eating? Do you fill your plate and clean it with your tongue? Do you portion out your meals according to some guideline you know of? Or maybe you overload your plate and eat until you’re full, getting rid of the rest? I am guilty of all three methods. I was taught, as many were, to eat everything on your plate. To not do so is being rude. And sometimes pre-portioning is too little and other times it’s too much! Ahhhh! What to do?!?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">EAT ONLY UNTIL YOU’RE SATISFIED.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">This concept sounds easy and obvious to be quite honest. However, the reasons listed above about learning to recognize satisfaction over fullness and then doing it is not easy at all. This stems back to childhood. As kids someone else fixed our plates for us. We couldn’t be the judge of when we’d had enough to eat. Kids’ brains are not advanced enough to truly decipher what is best. And since we are conditioned to eat this certain way as kids, often it spills over into adulthood causing overeating problems.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Learning to eat healthy is one thing but almost as equally important, I believe, is learning to eat until satisfied NOT until full or stuffed. There are a couple approaches of I’m trying to learn. They are outlined below:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="1" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><span lang="EN-US">Learn that it’s okay not to finish what’s on your plate. Foods can always be saved, even small amounts. And if you don’t want to save something small, throw it away! Throwing it away is much better than stuffing it in your face just to not be wasteful. </span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><span lang="EN-US">Eat SLOWLY. Enjoy the foods you taste and really concentrate on what signals your body is sending you. This is hard especially when something tastes really good or when you have a time constraint but it is possible.</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><span lang="EN-US">When your body is telling you it’s not hungry anymore STOP. Even if this means you become hungry again in 30 minutes. If that happens, eat again in 30 minutes! It will take some practice to learn how much to eat at one given time to stay satisfied for around 2 hours or so. And until you reach this point, eat as often as your body tells you to. It WILL become less frustrating and inconvenient with time.</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><span lang="EN-US">Enjoy how you feel! You’re stomach will feel light yet satisfied. It really is a great feeling.</span></li></ol> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">There are definitely times when this methodology is more conducive than others. I work at an office where I can have food on my desk at all times if I wish. A lot of people do not have that luxury. That is why it’s important to learn how much should be eaten to stay satisfied for around 2 hours until you can maybe take a break and eat again. I don’t know. There are always excuses of why people can’t or won’t do things. But I feel if becoming healthy is something that is really important to you, as it has become to me recently, then you can and will find a way to achieve your goals including eating until you’re satisfied, no more, no less.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">This ties in with my blog from yesterday because I believe that if I keep my focus on being healthy, including this concept, transformation of my body in a positive way will take place. But either way, the great feeling of only being satisfied as opposed to full or stuffed is totally worth it to me…and hopefully you too </span>:)</p>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-35326677407162767012012-03-07T15:14:00.004-07:002012-03-07T15:28:40.267-07:00Diet and Exercise Gold Mine<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt9_V0rjGgNt6bHTRyoXm1hruUha7bZKPkgTA_T4tsS6qobmFv1T9QOwoAKp3jGgpxntYKbJ9kAUM8vw0zw3b2gse5HDHRXkdO0iIisFejNBIzts3yJu5fgu62JjNsIXM4yzauXBMKDt8t/s1600/fitness.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 247px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt9_V0rjGgNt6bHTRyoXm1hruUha7bZKPkgTA_T4tsS6qobmFv1T9QOwoAKp3jGgpxntYKbJ9kAUM8vw0zw3b2gse5HDHRXkdO0iIisFejNBIzts3yJu5fgu62JjNsIXM4yzauXBMKDt8t/s320/fitness.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5717283176634059330" border="0" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"> </span>Do you know the reasons you diet and exercise? Those two words go hand in hand (or so media has us believing) to mean “ways to lose weight”. Then when the word diet became taboo its new meaning was synonymous with “food”. Saying “my diet consists of…” no longer means “my cut-back, healthy foods consist of…” but rather “my food consists of…” that way it can be marketed without appearing to be “special” foods to help you lose weight. So we are taught that we must pay attention to our diets (food) and exercise in order to lose weight. And while this is true whatever happened to the real reason we should be doing these things—to become and/or remain healthy? </span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I guess companies couldn’t make any money that way. Could you imagine an infomercial promoting a healthy diet and exercise plan for the sheer purpose of feeling good?! Of course not! That’s not good enough! We all want to shed some fat and mold our bodies into whatever these programs tells us is sexy. Right?! Wrong. Actually my answer was right until very recently when I decided to shift my focus.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I have struggled with body image for as long as I can remember, as I’m sure a lot of you out there have as well. We all want to look good and be desired, we want to feel sexy and unashamed to strut out by the pool in a bikini. And guys want their tanned arms cut with muscles while wearing a sleeveless top and they want their pecks to be more than just some saggy moobs. All of this is fine but how about those of us who are miserable all the time…so uncomfortable in our own skin? We try so hard to eat right and exercise, hoping…waiting for the weight to come off and when it never does (or it does then rapidly comes back) we’re right back to feeling miserable again.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I was recently asked if I considered myself to be healthy. I didn’t have to think very long before I answered “Yes.” Blood work at the doctor later proved this to be right. Every test ran was in the healthy range despite the fact that I am overweight. And according to the BMI chart I’m obese! This is not true however as I have weighed heavy my entire life. Two different friends of mine, who are the same height as me, told me that when they weighed what I do right now they were at least 3 sizes in clothes bigger than me sooooo…I am not obese but I definitely am overweight and could stand to lose some fat…around 20 pounds worth but I do feel and am healthy.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I exercise regularly and eat healthy. So why am I not losing any weight? I’ll tell you why…because I have been “good” for the reason of wanting to lose weight and not to remain healthy. I do like to eat healthy now, just to be healthy (it took me years to get to this point though) but as far as exercise goes, my main reason for exercising has still been to help me lose weight. Boy, what a mistake this has been. When I don’t see results I get very discouraged which in turn affects my eating habits (sometimes even just subliminally) which as you well know, does bad things to body weight. What a vicious cycle I’ve been on for years!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I know how to diet (old definition) and exercise to lose weight but I know it’s only temporary. So I learned how to diet (new definition) to become and then remain healthy and now I need to get my exercising to this point as well. What this is allowing me to do is STOP WORRYING! I’m no longer depressed when I don’t see my weight decrease. In fact I got rid of my scale a few months ago and no longer have any idea how much I weigh. It has been nice. My body is not where I want it right now but at least I feel healthy. And that needs to be more important to me than trying to become “sexy”. Okay, so I have the food part down now what about the exercise part??</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Going to the gym without the intent of busting as much ass as possible is going to be tough. That is what I am used to doing. My new intent needs to be to go and do at least 30 minutes at whatever intensity I feel like that day. I know to switch it up to condition my heart and other internal functions but other than that…that is all I need to be thinking about- at least 30 minutes of whatever. No more 1.5-2 hour sweat fests of killing myself every day to try to lose weight. Now if I spend that long at the gym it needs to be because I’m having fun and I don’t care if I lose weight or not, I know it’s a proven fact that exercise is good for my body—both physically and mentally.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I strongly believe that once I start behaving in this way I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">will</i> become even healthier than I am now. That is probably going to mean losing weight but if it doesn’t that’s okay too. So I’m a little overweight! That’s okay. I know I’m healthy and I know how hard I work to stay that way. The other perks will follow. Until that time I will try and learn to love the body I have now, reminding myself that it’s a healthy body. I do think that one day I will be comfortable in my skin visually but until then I need to be focused and happy with the body I have internally. I know a lot of skinny people who are far unhealthier than I am. Skinny does not equal healthy by any stretch of the imagination. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-weight: bold;">MY NEW FOCUS:</span> Eat healthy and exercise to remain healthy. Period.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Losing weight will naturally follow. I have to trust this. And more importantly I have to trust that if it doesn’t happen than it’s okay—I’ll still be one healthy broad! :)<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-79233286626278659532012-01-16T10:24:00.000-07:002012-01-16T11:04:43.862-07:00Tough Mudder Arizona 2012<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjluQHsm3zLG_tRNF0shXAJfUB2DN_zumGuF8rX_5hEbw_P9BBBFrKx-c33p8r1-HwqiWEV4eKPrhOPSnc4E9Kdp-qJd9vTR0wyS3jhQumuWCHwv0mz6JzXtWX8jxcP0G_e9VzgGu1BG1v1/s1600/photo+%252811%2529.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjluQHsm3zLG_tRNF0shXAJfUB2DN_zumGuF8rX_5hEbw_P9BBBFrKx-c33p8r1-HwqiWEV4eKPrhOPSnc4E9Kdp-qJd9vTR0wyS3jhQumuWCHwv0mz6JzXtWX8jxcP0G_e9VzgGu1BG1v1/s320/photo+%252811%2529.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698291320474683074" border="0" /></a>“Why?! Why do you do these things to yourself?!”<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">That’s been a common question I’m asked when people see the bruises and scrapes I received from completing <a href="http://toughmudder.com/events/arizona-phoenix/">Tough Mudder</a> this weekend. I mostly laugh it off because I feel that trying to explain it to them would serve no purpose. They will still just see it as a pointless activity that does harm to my body. Little do they know the rewards that come with each and every bruise, sore muscle, swollen joint, and multiple scrapes far outweighs the visible damage they see.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I will be the first to admit that I was in no shape to run the Tough Mudder event. So much has been going on in my life lately that my health routine got tossed to the wayside and I just recently decided to get back on track with it. I had planned on skipping this event altogether because I was embarrassed by my lack of commitment to train for what is called “The Toughest Event on the Planet.” I would surely be a joke and I had no business competing with the people who actually prepared. But that’s just it…TM is not a competition. It is a test of courage, strength, and camaraderie. Remembering that and receiving encouraging texts to still go from my buddy Dave, I decided I would not give up before I even started.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I knew my performance would not be nearly as good as I had originally hoped when I signed up several months earlier but I decided that I would have to be okay with that. My goal was to finish and to at least attempt every obstacle. I decided not to worry about my performance as much as just getting through it. Little did I know my calves would decide to continually cramp and seize up on me starting just before mile 5. The event was 12.5 miles long. Not even half way through and my legs were not cooperating. Great. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>How would I be able to complete the course with legs that kept locking up? Slow and steadily that’s how. I was not going to quit. I would never have lived with myself had I given up. I would have to continue on and do my best despite the struggles I was enduring.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I had planned on putting all fears aside and using my mind power to force me to do all that I am afraid of. Well, that’s a little easier said than done, haha. I DID do a couple things I’m afraid of but I also chickened out on some others. I’m okay with that though. I thought I’d be more disappointed than I am but I’m not. Individually, none of the obstacles were so difficult they couldn’t be done but put them all together and each one became that much harder. Wait, I take it back…the Berlin Walls were nasty. I cleared one and decided not to even attempt any of the other ones. At 12 feet high, muddy, wet, and slippery with no help up but a little slab of wood about 3 feet up and fellow Mudders straddling the top to help pull people up, this was not my obstacle. My fear of falling and lack of upper body strength kept me from completing the 4 sets of two or three through-out the course.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The most challenging event for me (besides those ugly walls) was the high jump into the 12 ft of water below. The climb to get up to the jumping platform was hard enough but once I looked over the edge fear came over me and I was petrified to jump. This really surprised me. I’m not afraid of heights but falling and water are not my friends. I stood up there probably 40 minutes (yes, you read that correctly) trying to convince myself to jump from 15 feet in the air. But my fear won and I ended up going back down. I was pretty disappointed but proud of myself for staying up there that long and not giving up right away. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The obstacle I surprised myself the most on was probably the one called Arctic Enema. Yep. You had to jump into ice water, swim underneath a board and come up the other side in even more ice. Sounds easy enough right? Well again, I have a fear of water and was really dreading this obstacle. Surprisingly I did it with no issues. I tend to get disoriented in water very easily but didn’t this time despite how cold and scared I was.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">There were several obstacles I did modified versions of. For instance, jumping from mud platform to mud platform… Instead I jumped down in the ditch and pulled myself up the other side (with assistance most of the time). I think that was the more tiring way to go but I didn’t trust my jumping abilities. I enjoyed the obstacles that had us crawling or squeezing in and out of pipes or underground trenches. I thought those ones were fun and much nicer to my comfort zone.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And then there was my least favorite and most favorite obstacle. These obstacles were actually the same one if you can believe that- Electroshock Therapy. I loved and hated it for different reasons. I actually enjoyed getting shocked! I mean that shit hurt but it was such a different feeling. I have never been shocked before and it was surprising to me to experience what it does to your body! These were 10,000 volt shocks and when you got hit by one it would knock you down! I loved seeing big, strong me get thrown to the mud like sacks of potatoes! The obstacle was set up to where there was a few feet of mud water that you could either go belly down and scoot along or try to run through. The crowd could see when the operator of the obstacle would turn off the electricity and they would yell at everyone to get up and run! That was fine until it got turned back on and you were shocked repeatedly knocking you back down into the mud! The reason I hated this obstacle is because it was the only one that people weren’t polite about. When the crowd yelled “run!” participants didn’t care who was in the way, they stood up and trampled those of us on the ground. That I could have done without. But the experience of something new I liked. It definitely hurt though!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Overall the event was put together well and all the participants were very nice, helpful, and encouraging. It was great to see so many people come together and focus more on helping to assure everyone finished rather than making the best individual time. Everyone waited their turn and no one made fun of anyone for being scared to do any of the obstacles. I felt very comfortable and encouraged. I also had an amazing teammate who was held back because of me but never complained about it. He was very supportive and stuck by me the entire time. I definitely know the things I want to train for—jumping across things, pulling myself up things, and jumping into water from high up. I also need to work on my overall strength and endurance. This event put some motivation in me and made me realize that you really can do anything you set your mind to.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">So why do I do these types of events? To remind myself that I am stronger than I think I am. To remind myself that mind really does win over matter. And to be a part of something that donates to a great cause and teaches you the importance of overcoming your fears and doing your personal best. I might barely be able to move today but at least I’m alive and able. Thank you to all the wounded warriors out there who allow me to live freely. It’s because of you that this weekend I became a Tough Mudder.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4VbjL2TvUhWDaoKgdm4-_F3rjjE6fphzeVSDL5hGT0cU4r5IoYZ_VLtU7a0JiwcKukYlUb0s8uND6c0EMwgZFGEYcJSt4Q4YHH1X7bln5v6gkpQVv_dh9GuYjJMjvUfHJGtyIpMIh53u7/s1600/photo+%252810%2529.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4VbjL2TvUhWDaoKgdm4-_F3rjjE6fphzeVSDL5hGT0cU4r5IoYZ_VLtU7a0JiwcKukYlUb0s8uND6c0EMwgZFGEYcJSt4Q4YHH1X7bln5v6gkpQVv_dh9GuYjJMjvUfHJGtyIpMIh53u7/s200/photo+%252810%2529.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698289311159918914" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhty0_LY22tOixttHUMaNvs5vNOH_6fSM8ufY2AM-lkK9mAxG5NkKWnwJsR4JF0ePZwgjKhnG6n05LGZROCbXqr0E44uuPG1A73ko9rrqjrUL0HkJXvNN6XGxXhVJmsehR4oKM_1A4I5_hU/s1600/photo+%252814%2529.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhty0_LY22tOixttHUMaNvs5vNOH_6fSM8ufY2AM-lkK9mAxG5NkKWnwJsR4JF0ePZwgjKhnG6n05LGZROCbXqr0E44uuPG1A73ko9rrqjrUL0HkJXvNN6XGxXhVJmsehR4oKM_1A4I5_hU/s200/photo+%252814%2529.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698290985006214866" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8aZln48w4GLo5dKerukhPzda3h3O5Bysuy8lEc_HiXPDpgr3lWGE3dThY8lkY0lx12GkF49yGgKGzOBeRbO0jQuVurjJdsXIk2KksH1nSHEepC0YIo-LW73eqYErqb01aF8ln4cw2fp1k/s1600/408879_346436612052976_100000599198325_1253538_1875506318_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8aZln48w4GLo5dKerukhPzda3h3O5Bysuy8lEc_HiXPDpgr3lWGE3dThY8lkY0lx12GkF49yGgKGzOBeRbO0jQuVurjJdsXIk2KksH1nSHEepC0YIo-LW73eqYErqb01aF8ln4cw2fp1k/s200/408879_346436612052976_100000599198325_1253538_1875506318_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698289259764482914" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7hImLiOrQY9ztO01R3Th-GVeTNpbOrTLMGgIpkBOAbCat8WkqHwseg_oHFn5zqjF5bPzOffcrcHqVd1J86_3C-fvavYpu6DdDN0g5yFKNxqsKwm7JEK3mRN03j50rX2CR1EmSx4FAsp4I/s1600/407314_346435962053041_100000599198325_1253529_325418765_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7hImLiOrQY9ztO01R3Th-GVeTNpbOrTLMGgIpkBOAbCat8WkqHwseg_oHFn5zqjF5bPzOffcrcHqVd1J86_3C-fvavYpu6DdDN0g5yFKNxqsKwm7JEK3mRN03j50rX2CR1EmSx4FAsp4I/s200/407314_346435962053041_100000599198325_1253529_325418765_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698289215662198706" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgandLrDlf4Wfz9fg_AGGZQhFsNyXvaSl7BATNQjohW7I2lxW-yrDfTvPbxO_lgtra2wbXuS42HsWDI3ket5_GR-o_P2FY1J-fpT7BD4KhKk3S4HN161ZEqQov_dbGdw__74E2T-vN9MkYH/s1600/403695_346416478721656_100000599198325_1253437_2008761983_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgandLrDlf4Wfz9fg_AGGZQhFsNyXvaSl7BATNQjohW7I2lxW-yrDfTvPbxO_lgtra2wbXuS42HsWDI3ket5_GR-o_P2FY1J-fpT7BD4KhKk3S4HN161ZEqQov_dbGdw__74E2T-vN9MkYH/s200/403695_346416478721656_100000599198325_1253437_2008761983_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698289156358662002" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxxM0DwaoK-hO37xCtpRo8m-MaliJyY4nixysHvv3NNjgkdt1N-n8jSIB-DmKhnkYJzwSTYF-QyDNm8KaTkrjNokEkOOvteUpObd-7VMyrMhdtJIF1-BeEyrIwbmuozJz0RN7ATjEzm1Ym/s1600/396567_346417652054872_100000599198325_1253440_82658176_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxxM0DwaoK-hO37xCtpRo8m-MaliJyY4nixysHvv3NNjgkdt1N-n8jSIB-DmKhnkYJzwSTYF-QyDNm8KaTkrjNokEkOOvteUpObd-7VMyrMhdtJIF1-BeEyrIwbmuozJz0RN7ATjEzm1Ym/s200/396567_346417652054872_100000599198325_1253440_82658176_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698289104899780354" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0SPxn_WF5JYLrzvp0vTaeKOcmkk-AutDIxlKTKikFzD7rbA_ubbNZMA9Uz-u4mhw3wSonBdvskpYnQH0_4Q2v7lpndS-FjcHQGZ9H7oRX7OKBscnBo8hRmB0VPTkAhce3Znt0s5iVH6FC/s1600/395834_346416875388283_100000599198325_1253438_700378167_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0SPxn_WF5JYLrzvp0vTaeKOcmkk-AutDIxlKTKikFzD7rbA_ubbNZMA9Uz-u4mhw3wSonBdvskpYnQH0_4Q2v7lpndS-FjcHQGZ9H7oRX7OKBscnBo8hRmB0VPTkAhce3Znt0s5iVH6FC/s200/395834_346416875388283_100000599198325_1253438_700378167_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698289067468121746" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAsRXN1N9uqJGQnbYcrtGbbs33Xci_cDaJf40NYTueYXwHEHqDda6k_l0om339T-LZwTumsI0SIT21U1IJyQYJFHbHx2JmGdObu7D6uaV3OSXsHsqVx_OFSnHnqYw4JaBq8024ckwO1LNm/s1600/391804_346420745387896_100000599198325_1253449_1613943159_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAsRXN1N9uqJGQnbYcrtGbbs33Xci_cDaJf40NYTueYXwHEHqDda6k_l0om339T-LZwTumsI0SIT21U1IJyQYJFHbHx2JmGdObu7D6uaV3OSXsHsqVx_OFSnHnqYw4JaBq8024ckwO1LNm/s200/391804_346420745387896_100000599198325_1253449_1613943159_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698289023385146226" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg96KDdT0EUwqWHLeOIiVSE7rTn6Y2jcdT4TwZ8G-W_KfHmN4VLmIxK-CHE7SjJhy0F_7C8TUSkwce14yyl6LeXd7ZsQ02o0a5Rcy8dpQvJ7Tkif_HGdYsPrGz4bTCE-ddxEZm3iXRp-9UV/s1600/388550_346417992054838_100000599198325_1253441_405034363_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg96KDdT0EUwqWHLeOIiVSE7rTn6Y2jcdT4TwZ8G-W_KfHmN4VLmIxK-CHE7SjJhy0F_7C8TUSkwce14yyl6LeXd7ZsQ02o0a5Rcy8dpQvJ7Tkif_HGdYsPrGz4bTCE-ddxEZm3iXRp-9UV/s200/388550_346417992054838_100000599198325_1253441_405034363_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698288973915302754" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCC8Qty-Etq5hCdmXXltC9Z2gUsRVWFW3tWw6qnHoLu-1q4O5BH8jZD81d6OXCvR1gkmwz8dDIir5OZk00sQEOLB5q5SxLGN15p01TVPgo3j4wfiHClcQ4NbNv3gaR2kMNGoa3sJSoRHC3/s1600/384534_346768972019740_100000599198325_1254236_1471241078_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 149px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCC8Qty-Etq5hCdmXXltC9Z2gUsRVWFW3tWw6qnHoLu-1q4O5BH8jZD81d6OXCvR1gkmwz8dDIir5OZk00sQEOLB5q5SxLGN15p01TVPgo3j4wfiHClcQ4NbNv3gaR2kMNGoa3sJSoRHC3/s200/384534_346768972019740_100000599198325_1254236_1471241078_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698288930713862274" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2AcDq9r0WFXrhv6tB7TTcbeKhmoQyMXvAxGK6ty-WKk6twlUqrIiCRcNnpTk2Fkn-uQ5PVZVPtIcNCo9tnEdrDLIDFnFjbSvhw3_qQfWdrDDOm6cd26cPd8fHMQ256BQdBZP3RACwqTfH/s1600/382972_346436358719668_100000599198325_1253534_1637081475_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2AcDq9r0WFXrhv6tB7TTcbeKhmoQyMXvAxGK6ty-WKk6twlUqrIiCRcNnpTk2Fkn-uQ5PVZVPtIcNCo9tnEdrDLIDFnFjbSvhw3_qQfWdrDDOm6cd26cPd8fHMQ256BQdBZP3RACwqTfH/s200/382972_346436358719668_100000599198325_1253534_1637081475_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698288866713814594" border="0" /></a><br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"></span></p>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-83314744854844568202011-12-06T15:55:00.000-07:002011-12-06T16:02:13.178-07:00Caution: Sap ahead...in poem form<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxRx5VzobVkeQ82vUTW8uebYrZPhDIa61fFJG5Shf1DYO0mcr-8UnpHGoFYdWEluq-IYZ_xv-Ql0EXjbwyHIyc6N2Zk5tQnfmC6PYaER_EzGH5AESKSXcWTfiFnkhcPhOiAGk1pv0oYmLd/s1600/photo+4+%25283%2529.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxRx5VzobVkeQ82vUTW8uebYrZPhDIa61fFJG5Shf1DYO0mcr-8UnpHGoFYdWEluq-IYZ_xv-Ql0EXjbwyHIyc6N2Zk5tQnfmC6PYaER_EzGH5AESKSXcWTfiFnkhcPhOiAGk1pv0oYmLd/s320/photo+4+%25283%2529.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5683154243801771842" border="0" /></a><u><span lang="EN-US">You Are My Love</span></u> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> I have no idea how I ever got along without you.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Our minds are so beautifully intertwined.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Our logic bouncing down the same dirt road.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">At least half of my ability to love never reached capacity without you.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">My lips grinned wide but my heart never made it past a smirk.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I truly believed I knew what love was.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">At least I knew what I thought it should be.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">How we merged together to become something spectacular</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I will forever be grateful.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">My days shine brighter, my nights glow softer.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">You tell me I am beautiful and maybe you are right</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">For I have never felt as gorgeous as I do knowing you love me. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I truly believed I knew what love was.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And then I learned love could be so much more.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">It’s the feeling of suffocating at the thought of ever losing you.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">It’s the invisible touch of your hand in mine when I need it most.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">It’s the excitement I feel at the mere sight of you smiling.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And it’s knowing that no matter what day, time, or location</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I can feel a halo of affection protecting me and all my feelings. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I truly believed I knew what love was.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And then I met you.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">My beliefs suddenly flattened by care and attention.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">My views whittled into something I now laugh at. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">You made it easy to hear me.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">You made it easy to feel me.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And you made it easy to love me.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Now I’m sure I know what love is…</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">It’s the intense desire and need I feel when I think of you.</span></p>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-6175885374587794712011-11-30T10:35:00.000-07:002011-11-30T10:59:42.183-07:00The Feeling of Need<span lang="EN-US">I just realized that I sort of left my last story hanging…</span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Since I last posted I have seen John two times. Once when he came out to Tucson and then again when I went back East for Thanksgiving to be with him. So it’s apparent, after saying that, that things went well right? RIGHT. Things went so extremely well that I had my flight booked for Thanksgiving before he was even on the plane back home to Mass! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">It’s hard to describe what it was like when John showed up at my house for the first time. I had been up for several hours in anticipation and excitement and as the time got closer to him showing up the more I felt like I was going to puke. I must have peed 10 times in that last hour and my heart was racing. Of course we were used to looking at each other over Skype but it was much different in real life. I guess there is nervousness for any new couple but since that moment had been built up for a month it was extra intense. But just as we thought, things went really well. We were comfortable and familiar enough with one another that things just clicked and we got along better than I even expected. There were no awkward moments and you could feel our excitement bouncing around the room. It was apparent we were equally pleased with how this monumental event was going</span><span lang="EN-US">.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Meeting his family for the first time for Thanksgiving couldn’t have gone better either! Everyone was so kind and welcoming that it would have been impossible for me to not feel comfortable and accepted. John had some concerns of his family’s behavior but I absolutely loved them. They were all very down to earth, fun, real people that I could relate to well. These were no bullshit types of people who constantly threw around jokes and humor which is exactly what I love. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I could go on and on about how his trip out here went or how my trip there went but there is something more important that I want to turn the focus toward—the moment I felt something different than I’ve ever felt before. The moment I felt so overwhelmed with admiration and emotion I basically freaked the fuck out. It was the moment I felt like I needed John. Not just that I wanted him in my life, not just that I really like him, and not just that I felt I should say I need him because guys like that stuff, but the actual feeling of <span style="font-style: italic;">need</span><i style="">. </i>(This hit me inbetween trips). </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Those of you who know me well know this is not something I typically feel. In fact I’ve been known to boast about not needing anyone for anything because let’s face it, love is not a necessity of life. And even as much as I love my friends I know that without them I wouldn’t die. And I guess that’s always the “hard core” </span><span lang="EN-US">way I’ve looked at things. To me “need” is something that without it you’ll die. Silly me! Why I’m so rigid with my words I’m not sure but I am. If I take the rigidity out of it however, I do in fact need my friends in order to feel a level of happiness I otherwise couldn’t achieve on my own. And that’s just it…there are many levels of happiness in life. The following is a series of diagrams of my moods and how they’ve fluctuated. Upon realizing these differences it has made me realize that I do in fact <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">need</i> John to reach a level of happiness I’ve never known before. This was by no means an easy realization</span><span lang="EN-US"> for me. I completely freaked out! You see, feeling THAT happy is completely foreign to me…I was pretty sure it was unattainable. There are many reasons John is able to see me at this level. Many reasons that no one has offered to me before. The biggest is his ability to “get” me and to be there for me emotionally. I have been forever told that I’m hard to understand and that you have to be careful with how you are toward me. I’ve never quite understood this but accepted it to be true since so many people have expressed this to me. To know that there is someone that understands me and knows just what to say and how to behave toward me is amazing. Of course that’s not all there is but that plays a huge part into me accepting that I need someone…I need John. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">To reach the age of 32 (damn near anyway) and never having known what extreme happiness is makes it that much sweeter now that I do. I have claimed to be happy before, and I often am. However, this kind of happiness is completely different. And I know that I say “this time is different” a lot too but this time is not only different but a whole new experience for me. My world would be turned upside down without John in it. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">That</i> is hard for me to admit. I like that he gets to see the vulnerable side of me though and that I’m not afraid to show it to him (well sometimes it takes a while for me to get there but </span><span lang="EN-US">I eventually do). I feel safe with him. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">If you’ve never experienced a (healthy) feeling of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">need</i> for someone then I say keep looking. Don’t settle for good when amazing can be achieved. Don’t stay close to extreme happiness when you can go above that line. I can try to explain it but honestly it’s a feeling that can only be felt and when it hits you, you’ll wonder how you ever got through life without it. Or maybe you’ve always been a happy person and this type of thing happens all the time for you. But for ME, happiness is not easy and extreme happiness is down right foreign…until now. This should explain a little better the excitement and enthusiasm I have for my future. This is the real deal and my smile couldn’t be bigger.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUV6Pvm1i70GBjTJ9YKjSbjPBQ0gtWKXE14Lq9wMDqf0jjnTkouvUanByQlFURPJwVAj6i_7QlKNiAKzLNx0ZC7AMYfc7tJFGunrHndtdiDAnSSRGcLTfXvtNflkDuAW8zs1aaAu81z4HM/s1600/chart1.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 227px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUV6Pvm1i70GBjTJ9YKjSbjPBQ0gtWKXE14Lq9wMDqf0jjnTkouvUanByQlFURPJwVAj6i_7QlKNiAKzLNx0ZC7AMYfc7tJFGunrHndtdiDAnSSRGcLTfXvtNflkDuAW8zs1aaAu81z4HM/s320/chart1.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680847100079758786" border="0" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_XHo-ZM-toXMe6HjUVgWNIsBZK78NTV8pj_tiyQkkfWIrGD1Iu2zJ1LJ4uQIxZvGyoCvJhZUGzoZnVRfrUf7C6-roI1346q2eXk18VXQBzKSrFhbpX4XhTxgjTlTexHxfLL1fIpl5LJLT/s1600/chart2.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 227px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_XHo-ZM-toXMe6HjUVgWNIsBZK78NTV8pj_tiyQkkfWIrGD1Iu2zJ1LJ4uQIxZvGyoCvJhZUGzoZnVRfrUf7C6-roI1346q2eXk18VXQBzKSrFhbpX4XhTxgjTlTexHxfLL1fIpl5LJLT/s320/chart2.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680847204250517394" border="0" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicc4i74dQSAdBHt-8Wl3LE5o4R5brO7tHtwiMBoBgleftPcrtYFoeGErgVGQRwWb2hxEWJeG5uYB6wwl2j6xVt4mKAvJJHlukx7zOPYQ6n98TgOKU0uqbRSPLMjMJksHOkaKz7zKuPcryH/s1600/chart3.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 227px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicc4i74dQSAdBHt-8Wl3LE5o4R5brO7tHtwiMBoBgleftPcrtYFoeGErgVGQRwWb2hxEWJeG5uYB6wwl2j6xVt4mKAvJJHlukx7zOPYQ6n98TgOKU0uqbRSPLMjMJksHOkaKz7zKuPcryH/s320/chart3.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680847327139091554" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZibnPsdfyNyD35PspeumUid1bhiyA3QJuYpWBWGsSyiCujradJmT55pJZlWq4rybzuMXt_kmFG3Vjn7JMWesfie7PxXZaUXnzTZ5Mub6feRAYZLEgLC125KWfKTHbFPKjyeU2mRVq3Xnx/s1600/chart4.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 227px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZibnPsdfyNyD35PspeumUid1bhiyA3QJuYpWBWGsSyiCujradJmT55pJZlWq4rybzuMXt_kmFG3Vjn7JMWesfie7PxXZaUXnzTZ5Mub6feRAYZLEgLC125KWfKTHbFPKjyeU2mRVq3Xnx/s320/chart4.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680847434114119362" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJiIWYD_fqdbH4ip5Achyphenhyphenp9JqmFd-ssvY4mjRBxHo1Ram5KHDy6DVuFT_hTgTFY9eQ0sjLnqEtDweBO4QKwiZXiDEFTKgUtbmX8pZE0lKudstXAdEFy7NT9aKCAn5aH-oi-S7gxaG0NDt2/s1600/chart5.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 227px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJiIWYD_fqdbH4ip5Achyphenhyphenp9JqmFd-ssvY4mjRBxHo1Ram5KHDy6DVuFT_hTgTFY9eQ0sjLnqEtDweBO4QKwiZXiDEFTKgUtbmX8pZE0lKudstXAdEFy7NT9aKCAn5aH-oi-S7gxaG0NDt2/s320/chart5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680847513722175634" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /></p>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-31819651151173625192011-11-03T10:06:00.000-07:002011-11-03T11:30:55.310-07:00Love At First Skype<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">"Distance means so little when someone means so much."<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">There is no way I would ever consider being in a long distance relationship! How many times have you caught yourself denying a person based on one or two specifications? I hear it all the time... “I would NEVER date a smoker!” “I would never date someone with kids!” “I would never…blah, blah, blah”. I’ve tried to explain to people that if you met the right person, those things wouldn’t matter anymore. However I realized I was still doing the same thing I just thought mine made more sense. Why would anyone want to date someone who didn’t live in the same state or even same town as you?!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Now don’t get me wrong. There are definitely deal breakers that people have that hold more value than just what they do in their spare time or what their past entailed. Some people are adamant on mutual religion, others on race. And still others on criminal background, political affiliation, etc… These are still things that don’t seem like they should be a deal breaker to me but everyone has at least one and I try not to judge what yours might be. My deal breaker is that the person can not be an alcoholic. I’ve dealt with enough of that in one life time that I’m not willing to bend on it in my future. The rest of the things people proclaim they will not put up with really are petty and not true. You may try to argue with me on this but I know that certain things, if revealed appropriately, will not be as big of a deal as you think they are if you find true love. The key is to not be so close minded that you let someone really great pass you by because you’re caught up on something so insignificant. The key is to open your mind and turn those deal breakers into things you’d prefer weren’t so but not something that makes you completely look away.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I was recently faced with this and that’s how I’m quite certain deal breakers you train yourself to believe don’t really exist. While I was in Boston visiting my very good friend Kim I met someone. I met this random guy one drunken night at the bar while out for Kim’s birthday. He and I shared a couple drinks, danced a bit, and exchanged phone numbers all in the span of around 30 minutes and that was that. Or so I thought…</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">We spent the next couple days, weeks, texting, talking, and Skyping. Living out some long distance fantasy that would never be anything more than that. Perhaps we would meet somewhere, somewhere like the City of Sin, and have some whirlwind rendezvous! I mean, why not?! We were both single and the excitement of doing something so outside of my comfort zone sounded like just what I needed! And that’s just it…I was outside of my comfort zone. What about this guy was making me feel comfortable to behave and think in ways I never have before? Was it the safety of distance? The safety knowing that nothing would ever actually come of this? Perhaps. But either way I liked it. I became someone I always knew I could be but never could draw out of myself. And now this guy who was nearly 3,000 miles away was encouraging this side of me that I was really starting to like and feel comfortable with.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Well, some more time went by and this fantasy was quickly shaping into more than just some lustful dream. I was actually beginning to like this guy. I won’t go into too much detail here but he and I have a lot in common. I joke and say that I think we share part of the same brain. How could I be falling for someone over text and Skype though? No. I would just suppress my feelings and go back to thinking in hot, steamy fantasy land. So much for that effort. It was useless, I couldn’t help it…I was actually falling for him. Fortunately for me, he was feeling the same way. We knew it didn’t make logical sense but we couldn’t deny our hearts just the same. And being the logical people that we both are made this admittance difficult. So he made plans to come to Tucson. He knows one other person here, who he’s staying with so that made the planning and arrangements that much "safer" and secure for us and our loved ones.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Once the ticket had been purchased we decided to do a “dry run” if you will, on being exclusive. We still knew that it wasn’t very realistic or plausible but we both cared and trusted the other enough to give it a shot to see how it’d go. Then after his visit we would re-evaluate and figure out what our next move would be, if any at all. This past month has actually been very easy for me as far as being committed to a man so far away. No one here even comes close to catching or keeping my attention the way he does. I know I don’t want this to end but come on! A long distance relationship? Really?? Yes, really. There is a good chance it won’t be long distance for too long but even if it were I know he is worth it. No one has ever been so thoughtful and attentive to me. No one has ever quite gotten how my mind works before until now. No one has ever not wanted kids in the same capacity as me! Ha! Yes, that’s right…such a hard thing to find and yet I did. And for once in my life I found someone willing to put in as much effort as I am and to be available as much as I am.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">His trip out to Tucson is kind of the last “test” to be sure we are as compatible as we feel we are. So far we have been missing touch, smell, and just actual presence of one another. I don’t see how it could possibly go wrong but we are both aware that there is a chance it could. Neither of us wants that to happen even though if things didn’t work out it would be a lot easier on us both. I don’t want easy though. I want the relationship I’ve held out for that I always knew existed. Have I said this before and been wrong? Of course. But with each failed relationship I learn more about myself and what I need out of a relationship. So for those of you who are holding back excitement for me because you feel “here she goes again” can seriously go fuck yourselves. And those of you who feel “how could she fall for someone so fast and over text and Skype no less?!” can hopefully learn something from this post. I was one of those doubters. I was someone who felt it took much, much longer to know if you were in love. Well, sometimes logic is wrong. I know this now. And I’m not going to fight it. I will do whatever I need to do to make this work out. I haven’t felt this way in a very long time (no offense to anyone else) and I’m cherishing every moment of it.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Tomorrow morning I will get to see John for basically the first time. We’ll get to share our first kiss and our first live moments together as a couple. From everything I’ve learned so far, between the 8,000 plus texts and hours upon hours of Skype and phone time, I have fallen in love with this man and I’m not ashamed to admit it or to go for it all the way. And if for some reason things don’t work out…this journey has been worth it a million times over. I’m so excited for tomorrow and for every day that follows. What started as just a fantasy has turned into something much more meaningful. How can I not be excited for that?! How can I not appreciate the way things have gone thus far? The irony of having two logical minds come together at the heart is enough to make me want more.</span></p>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-63676083625440834192011-09-19T09:44:00.000-07:002011-09-19T10:07:47.978-07:00Onward and Upward<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Looks like I bit the dust again. Another relationship failed because I wasn’t a priority. Guys always try to word it differently stating that’s not the case at all. But it is. If someone doesn’t make time for me, makes no attempt at all, then it’s because I’m not a priority. It means there are other things more important. It means there are other things they’d rather be focused on (which is fine, I just wish they'd admit it). I’ve been told that making time is impossible but c’mon now, that’s just silly. Nothing is impossible when it comes to our actions. Our actions are choices we choose or don’t choose to make. We all have become overwhelmed at some point and we all know that when that happens “something’s got to give”. What does that “something” end up being? Whatever is the least important out of whatever is causing the stress. In most relationships that something ends up being me. I’ve had a really hard time dealing with this in the past but have since decided that I’m not about to get sad over someone who didn’t think I was important enough. It may sound like I’m bitter but I’m really not. It’s just the fact of the matter. And I’m at peace with this fact. It is what it is and there’s no sense being sad over something I can’t control. I’d rather be happy and enjoy life and spend time with those who do view me as someone special enough in their lives.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><u><span lang="EN-US">No Tears</span></u></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"></span></p>I’ve learned not to waste my tears.<br />When it becomes easy to dispose of me<br />I thank you.<br />Thank you for releasing my happiness<br />And the ability to no longer feel for you.<br />I have learned that if something is worth it,<br />Something is so important and wanted,<br />You’ll make it happen.<br />At least I will.<br />It’s always so easy for them to let me go.<br />Which always made it easy for me to cry.<br />Not special enough I always felt but now,<br />Too special for someone as unwilling as you.<br />I’m not going to be sad.<br />My life is wonderful--<br />The life I choose for myself and focus toward myself.<br />Because we all choose how to live and I,<br />I will not waste my tears.<br /><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"></span></p> <span lang="EN-US"></span>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-26286018565572201132011-08-26T08:46:00.000-07:002011-08-26T09:17:04.261-07:00Admission is the Hardest Step<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-G2lVHBEY9KAMAt6EumGNgIObt-EsyyYl-QXtKgSHfodpHT5dDWrpslMUOMJoCbdyVgD8fneK5Rw8sEE3lSr94ufS0dgTxPciZ648fR2WMSX_tLJS5rQgN3vGaG4UJdF1l2MxAOGnmlfv/s1600/this-is-me-flat1.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 294px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-G2lVHBEY9KAMAt6EumGNgIObt-EsyyYl-QXtKgSHfodpHT5dDWrpslMUOMJoCbdyVgD8fneK5Rw8sEE3lSr94ufS0dgTxPciZ648fR2WMSX_tLJS5rQgN3vGaG4UJdF1l2MxAOGnmlfv/s320/this-is-me-flat1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5645197057866386530" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;">I recently talked about turning points in life. I named my 10 year high school reunion as my biggest one and while this is true I have decided to talk about another one. One that is a bit more difficult for me but one I feel I want to share. Hopefully anyone else dealing with the same thing will be able to relate and those who aren’t will maybe understand me a little better or someone else you know dealing with this.
<br />
<br /><span style="mso-tab-count: 1"> </span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;">I have been consistently going to a psychologist for geez maybe 7 years now…it’s been so long I don’t even remember. I do know it’s been a long time though. Finally about 3 years ago I agreed to see a psychiatrist to see about getting a prescription for something to help my life-long battle with anxiety and depression. Don’t get me wrong, I work VERY hard on myself and resisted for a very long time to even consider getting any kind of medicinal aid to my condition. However, I never seemed to fully have control over my emotions and so reluctantly I agreed.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;">I went through several psychiatrists and several different medications before I found someone I liked and a combination of pills that seemed to work. It has only been around a year or maybe 2 now. Anyway, I have continued to see my psychologist as well since I have always been convinced that my “condition” is something I can fix all on my own (I'm also a big believer in continued self improvement through-out life). There have even been a couple times I foolishly decided to take myself off my medication because “it doesn’t work anyway” and I had been feeling really well. Little did I want to admit, but there was a reason I had been feeling so good. And sure enough, a couple weeks after purposely missing doses here and there I felt awful. I was back in the depression hole. Yes, missing just one dose affects me that much.
<br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;">I have cautiously agreed that my medication does in fact work and have accepted that it’s probably something I will have to take for the rest of my life to keep my emotions leveled out. Deep down I still believe this to be false though. I think it’s because I don’t feel any different when I take my medication therefore it must not be doing anything. Well, I recently accidentally forgot to take my pills on two separate days about a week apart. I felt scared that it might catch up with me as it had before but didn’t want to really believe that might happen. But just as before, it did.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;">I was sitting at work and suddenly for no reason at all felt very sad and tears started to fall. Nothing crazy but definitely a physical and mental sadness. This in turn made me very angry that two stupid little pills a day had that much control over me. It instantly made me feel embarrassed, foolish, weak, and flat out like a pretty sorry human being. That then snowballed in to a whole mess of things which lead to anger and disappointment in myself.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;">In my life I very, very rarely have highs. I’m pretty much a person that is just above a depressed level on a good day and pretty low on a bad day. My medication pushes me up a little higher and my lows generally become what my old highs were. When I don’t take my medication it completely throws me off and puts me back into the negative state I have been so used to in life. It’s a scary feeling and often leaves me feeling hopeless and lost. It also makes me suddenly feel disconnected from everyone and everything. This can be overwhelming and confusing for me let alone for someone else who is trying to make sense of it and make me feel better.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;">I don’t expect people to understand. But I also don’t expect people to try to figure it out and come up with their own assumptions and conclusions. I also don’t like when people try to downplay the severity of my feelings. Because guess what? They are my feelings and they are very real. I wish more than anything I didn’t need the extra help. You have no idea how disappointing it is for me. But I also believe that there is some truth to it and if it makes me feel better than hey, I’ve spent enough of my life feeling miserable that I might as well stick with what works for me so I don’t have to feel miserable anymore.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;">So when I have a bad day and I seem completely unreasonable and confusing you need to trust that it’s a million times worse for me. I don’t need you to understand or even have sympathy for me but perhaps a little compassion would be nice. I also wish people would understand that it’s not THEIR fault. Don’t try to read into my feelings and begin to take blame for why I’m so unhappy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s a moment that I’m going through and trust me, it sucks. It is not something I am proud of but hey, it’s me, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">that</i> I’m okay with.</span></span></p>
<br />Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-56907945574316247292011-08-04T10:02:00.000-07:002011-08-04T10:10:35.293-07:00A Much Calmer Me<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj45Oo-Rvi5oEHs_WGtJ6mdQ3bzhLFL7O8uCzEIXL2CMxia-OmfDbdodOb_W5ehac8RVFVprESNbV0ISRa6FLo-SDktf9_wcvxUxqKfP0MTneP9RyRBFN76J60Iq-nLLtoLNwx4UOWHMuJ-/s1600/images.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 256px; height: 192px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj45Oo-Rvi5oEHs_WGtJ6mdQ3bzhLFL7O8uCzEIXL2CMxia-OmfDbdodOb_W5ehac8RVFVprESNbV0ISRa6FLo-SDktf9_wcvxUxqKfP0MTneP9RyRBFN76J60Iq-nLLtoLNwx4UOWHMuJ-/s320/images.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5637048302706142802" border="0" /></a><span lang="EN-US">It’s been a while. I guess I haven’t been angry about anything lately or annoyed enough to write what I typically write about—annoyances of mine. I’m still not sure I have anything negative to bitch about. I’ve become a lot calmer and much easier going recently. I think I’ve pretty much mastered the “who cares” theory. </span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">A good example would be the workplace. People constantly bitch about those who do not pick up after themselves (especially in the kitchen), those who do not leave common areas neat and tidy, and people who have no bathroom manners. I find it humorous how worked up some people get about these things. My thinking is that there are over 50 people at my work; there is no way that all 50+ are going to be courteous, neat, and tidy. NO WAY. I don’t care how many signs you post, how many times you send out an email, etc… not everyone is going to abide. So what is the point in getting upset? There is no point. It’s common sense that not everyone is going to behave in the “correct” way. It takes less time to clean up the mess or refill the water bottle than it does to get angry. First of all, you will never know who the culprit is unless you waste even more time spying. So why bother getting worked up about it? An alternative would be to shake your head and think, “I don’t understand some people” and then let it go. It’s so much easier that way.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">That is one example of calming myself down. Of course, that’s a lot easier to do when dealing with a big group of people. One on one is a bit different because now you’re just dealing with one person’s behavior and not a mysterious few out of a large sum. What I have learned to do in these types of cases is NOT change my behavior. I’m usually pretty punctual but have a lot of friends that aren’t. Well, if it’s dinner plans we have and they’re late and I’m hungry…I go ahead and eat. I don’t get mad but I also don’t wait. If I were to wait I’d probably get upset and that’s not cool. So instead of sitting there hungry and pissy I go ahead with the plans and begin to eat. I do this with other things too. The trick here is to continue on without getting upset. So when they finally show up you shouldn’t say “Well it’s about time. I was starving so I started without out” coldly with a smirk on your face. This will come off as rude and vengeful. Instead, say “Oh hey! No worry about being late, it happens. I was really hungry though so I hope you don’t mind that I started without you.” I have never gotten a negative response to this.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Basically what I’m saying is, don’t change who you are. If a dirty microwave bothers you and you see at work it’s filthy…clean it. Don’t go into a rage about how unfair and messed up it is that someone left it like that. And don’t protest to clean it since you didn’t make the mess. Just clean it. And if a dirty microwave doesn’t bother you then put your food in and hit Start. Likewise, don’t change your plans and demeanor based on others’ actions. If you’re tired of waiting because someone else is holding up the plans, then go on without them but remember to stay pleasant about it. Don’t get upset…just do it knowing that they’ll understand. And it’s okay to apologize for it but do so in a way that let’s them know that you weren’t trying to “get back at them” but rather you were simply trying to stay on schedule so you wouldn’t get upset.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">It really is simple. Don’t get upset AND be yourself. That’s really all it takes. I have to remind myself a lot but when I do remember I find myself much happier and more at peace overall.<br /></span></p>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-28403777999969273562011-07-05T15:07:00.000-07:002011-07-05T16:30:10.190-07:00Ally McBallSack<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The television show Ally McBeal of all horrific things got me thinking this weekend. I started watching the series on Netflix out of sheer boredom and there is one episode that has stuck out to me and got my wheels turning. It is episode six from season one: The Promise. The gist of the part that intrigued me is as follows:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Ally gives mouth to mouth to an overweight male attorney who passes out and she ends up saving his life. His fiancé later stops by Ally’s law firm to thank her for saving the man who has forever given her hope and happiness. The man later stops by and asks Ally if a woman like her could ever fall for a man like him. He explains that although he loves his fiancé very much, she doesn’t make his heart “bounce”. He worries that he’s marrying the only instead of the one and only. He asks for Ally’s advice and she explains that he should marry someone who makes his heart bounce and to not settle. Angered, the fiancé ends up going back to Ally to inform her that he called the wedding off. She expressed that people like them (overweight and less attractive) don’t get many chances and that marrying their only is the one chance they get. She expressed that since choices are limited, waiting for the one and only might not happen. </span><span lang="EN-US">The fiancé convinced her that some people aren’t worthy of holding out for the right one. So </span><span lang="EN-US">Ally ends up convincing the man to marry his fiancé after all because she couldn’t think of any of her friends who would date him based on his size alone and others probably wouldn't either. He ends up marrying the woman and supposedly they end up happily ever after. Ugh.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">There were a few things that struck me as odd. First of all, I agreed with Ally’s original advice that he should marry someone he’s in love with and not just someone he loves and someone who is convenient. I say “don’t ever settle!” all the time and truly believe this. But what about people who rarely, if ever, get hit on? Those who don’t get the opportunity to “date around” and see what’s out there? What about those people? The fiancé had me briefly convinced that she was right…people like her and him should go for companionship and convenience over being in love. Just because some people date very easily and often doesn’t mean that others do which would make it even harder to find “the one”. But then I realized that is bullshit! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Looks truly aren’t everything and many couples have proved that theory correct. I don’t care what you look like or how heavy you are or even how much you love someone. I feel that people should first become happy with themselves and then they WILL find someone to make their heart bounce. If you stay in your rut then yes, go ahead and settle. If you don’t feel you’re attractive enough to find the one, it will show what little value you place on yourself. The problem begins within not on appearance. Yes, I’m sure it’s easier for attractive people to find dates. However, that just means they’re going to fail more unless they’re happy with themselves first. Being happy with yourself can be achieved by people of all shapes and sizes.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">So thank you Ally McBeal for making me think but at the same time—screw you for convincing me for a moment, that it makes sense for some people to settle. I do NOT think ANYONE should settle. Not at all. Nor is it fair to anyone involved. Respect yourself a little bit more and aim high. Everyone’s heart should “bounce” for the person they choose to marry. It’s all in the attitude you choose to carry.</span></p>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-32798856172066796832011-05-11T13:13:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:44:45.868-07:00The Shit Exchange<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz7z2P_DS2_erJ5OBJyEW_Z1JXbyweB_F9yzb7P-IdO0aqRzGWf03Mi_u_-OHcZdlVVjcbRhScO6OMeYZqVHBoZAUX7nLkGyAkhbMRKhy1g8V2FWstuwBgp7ZeAKraQ2i0u15pPhmQACgi/s1600/box+of+shit.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 292px; height: 311px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz7z2P_DS2_erJ5OBJyEW_Z1JXbyweB_F9yzb7P-IdO0aqRzGWf03Mi_u_-OHcZdlVVjcbRhScO6OMeYZqVHBoZAUX7nLkGyAkhbMRKhy1g8V2FWstuwBgp7ZeAKraQ2i0u15pPhmQACgi/s320/box+of+shit.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5605555051417862546" border="0" /></a><span lang="EN-US">For the life of me I cannot figure out why, when two people break up, the shit at each other’s houses can’t be exchanged within a week. I’m tired of guys leaving a trail of shit at my house to only want it back months, sometimes years later. WTF?! More annoying than that is not being able to get MY stuff back. What’s the hold up guys? I don’t want your shit and I’d like MY shit back. Whatever you have of mine was probably something to benefit you anyway, like a fan, or dishes and not some crappy CDs and holey underwear you left for me. Thank God I don’t have to deal with this any more. I now have a real man who’s accountable for his belongings and who respects me enough to not leave his shit strewn about. I know, I know. This is partly my fault too right? The only thing I feel I’m at fault with is letting them use my house as a dumpster in the first place and for being nice enough to let them borrow useful items. It’s completely ridiculous the inconvenience it is to have “left over” dude’s items at my place. And the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">only</i> reason I hold onto them is to be sure I’ll get my stuff back but if I don’t then you’re not getting yours either. Call it childish if you want but I’m sick of the games of holding stuff hostage. Whatever happened to putting stuff in a box and leaving it out for the other?? That needs to happen again. Or maybe I should have been a big bitch and just trashed everything I have of theirs after a week and said “Oh well.” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">That</i> I feel is childish though. Demanding an exchange of stuff is far less ridiculous I think. At least that way they’ll know what’s going to happen should they never return my belongings. Whatever. Like I said I’m done with this routine anyway…at least by next week when the remains of someone’s crap gets hauled away by a mutual friend…FINALLY!</span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I seriously can’t say enough how nice it is to finally be dating a MAN.</span></p>Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-72865273358032336792011-05-10T12:18:00.000-07:002011-05-10T12:26:18.933-07:00Ahhh, to be in love :)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNkiFb1uF2IAUL6ktiqrObvmIJ1vcPSrPV1kPrY7l07U9unbN2h23hJaWb-xwIRmZLXHEaOD-jJLjkCsLdS6EsUsh85Jm-404-jnUnHjmVVmo5E04xAJBulOcbRBAQqeJqTu0PFvn6RG4Z/s1600/photo+b+and+w.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNkiFb1uF2IAUL6ktiqrObvmIJ1vcPSrPV1kPrY7l07U9unbN2h23hJaWb-xwIRmZLXHEaOD-jJLjkCsLdS6EsUsh85Jm-404-jnUnHjmVVmo5E04xAJBulOcbRBAQqeJqTu0PFvn6RG4Z/s320/photo+b+and+w.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5605170259822691026" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Perfection</span></span><br /><br />Through the tunnel,<br />Back up and over,<br />You crawled into my heart.<br />Uncertain it began, unwilling I felt.<br />Happy all alone.<br />A gentleman from the start,<br />Respected boundaries among.<br /><br />Then it happened.<br /><br />I saw you for the man that you are.<br />A father, a hard worker, a responsible<br />Dedicated, strong man you became<br />In my new color blind eyes.<br />It was then I knew that I wanted you for mine.<br />You amaze and inspire me every day.<br />We wildly mesh and bring out our best.<br />Our timing right on, our pace gone perfect.<br />In your embrace is where I feel my safest.<br />To never lose you is my desire,<br />To never hurt you is my promise.<br />As much as I know that perfect doesn’t exist<br />For me and my imperfect self, you are<br />Perfection.<br />Unconditionally you and unconditionally me<br />We unconditionally accept and let each be.<br />I know the true you and<br />I enjoy every part.<br />I know my smile won’t fade and<br />Of this I’m deeply certain.<br /><br />You are It for me.<br /><br />Mi amor siempre,<br />Besos para ti, te amo muchos.Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-27836906738483537912011-04-26T08:52:00.000-07:002011-04-26T08:54:49.207-07:00No Games HereIt was recently told to me that I play “lovers games”. I cannot express enough how much this phrase pissed me off. This statement came about because in the past year or so I have dated a few different guys. How this relates to playing games I’m not sure though. To imply that just because I’ve had different boyfriends means I’m just playing around is absurd and offensive. In fact I do just the opposite. If I were playing games then I’d still be dating them. That’s the difference though… I know what I want and if I don’t get it, then I move on. I don’t see what’s wrong with that. How am I supposed to find someone who is right for me if I don’t date different people?? Am I supposed to latch on to the first thing that shows interest in me and never let him go whether or not he meets up to my standards?! Again, this is crazy talk. Do I have high standards? Damn straight. I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t unless maybe they offer less than that themselves. Well I don’t. I’ve spent a long time thinking that I was undateable. I’d get the same complaints guy after guy. Finally I decided that the complaints that they had weren’t because I’m a bad person but rather that our personalities didn’t mesh well enough. So that’s what I’ve come up with. I AM a dateable person I just needed to be happy being me and doing my own thing for long enough to realize that and embrace it. And then when the time was right, someone would come along who not only allows me to be myself but who GETS me. That time came a lot sooner than I thought it would but I’m happy that it did. For once I feel secure and loved unconditionally. For once I feel at peace and just all around happy. There is nothing quite as great as knowing I can be myself, bad parts and all, and know that my boyfriend isn’t going to walk on eggshells, isn’t going to ridicule me or overly praise me, isn’t going to ignore me, and certainly isn’t going to leave me. Am I glad that I dated before meeting him? Absolutely. For if I hadn’t our timing wouldn’t have been right. Did I play with people’s hearts in order to get where I’m at today? Of course not. I hold people’s feelings in a high regard. And in return people need to be positive and happy for me. I’m tired of the “good lucks” and the “be cautious” and the implications that my life and others’ is some kind of game for me. It’s not. Not that I have to prove myself to anyone but if people are truly my friends perhaps they should think a little bit more before making light of something I take so seriously. I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time now and don’t need the approval of anyone. What I need is for people to trust that I know what is best for me and leave it at that.Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-78466195077169073222011-04-18T11:28:00.000-07:002011-04-18T11:31:10.180-07:00My Secret to Happiness<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH9kGfG-aeb7SFNL0VMvyoH8nwu-at82MpmbqazGmvvZb3J0d8Bo2jxkyD4TX0Rq-8LBGcpFP0_M0egtKxjVoSH1fT4UR10fH8r86hyphenhyphenC-oNjv5O3FJFJ74iLHQ_O8fNOYOn-1F15nWWVVz/s1600/Love_Yourself_by_redheadgirl32.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH9kGfG-aeb7SFNL0VMvyoH8nwu-at82MpmbqazGmvvZb3J0d8Bo2jxkyD4TX0Rq-8LBGcpFP0_M0egtKxjVoSH1fT4UR10fH8r86hyphenhyphenC-oNjv5O3FJFJ74iLHQ_O8fNOYOn-1F15nWWVVz/s320/Love_Yourself_by_redheadgirl32.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596992893539846082" /></a><br />Can you honestly say that you love yourself? Can you say that you are happy with who you are and fully accept that person? This is a much more difficult task then it sounds. Or maybe it’s just me but I have finally come to realize that I am a good person and I am worth loving. I’m a strong believer in continuously and consistently working on self-improvements. This is something I plan to do for the rest of my life. For the most part I love who I have become. I used to think I was damaged and difficult and even unlovable at times. What a miserable life that was for me. So how did I learn to accept the me that I’ve become? <br /><br />I would like to attribute it all to hard work and dedication but that would be a lie. A huge part of it is all my failed relationships and the support from my friends. I’ve been treated worse than I’d like to admit by men who I loved so much. I was convinced that things didn’t work because we must not be compatible enough which was based largely on the fact that I thought I was too difficult. Well a couple months ago I decided that I’m no more difficult than others. I am in fact a good person and I am not difficult to love. How can I have so many friends who love me if that were the case? I had accepted that I would be okay to be single for the rest of my life if it meant I could continue to be me and live comfortably as that.<br /><br />No, this isn’t a “woe is me” type of statement. I could get a boyfriend and I could make it work. I’m just tired of trying to make things work. I just want to be me and for things to feel natural and unforced. And if I can’t find that, then that’s okay. I’d rather be alone and happy. And that’s really when it sunk in…the secret to being happy. The secret is as simple as- loving yourself. I mean, truly deeply loving yourself. You need to be alone in order to do this. If you don’t think you’re a good person or there is some flaw that has you in disgust, then work on it. But whatever you do, don’t try to find someone who will love you “as is” if you can’t even love yourself. Again, I could find people to love me how I am. And in fact, I’ve done so in the past. It wasn’t right though. It’s not fair to anyone to be this way when I couldn’t even love myself.<br /><br />After you’ve accepted yourself then, and only then can you try to find someone special to share that with. It needs to be someone who also accepts themselves. Not only that but you have to be compatible with them. Wow…that’s a lot of good timing and chance! But I assure you it’s possible. Is it a hard, lonely road? Yes, it certainly can be. It’s easy to give in to the idea that someone loves you and to try and make something out of that. However, in the long run it doesn’t work. At least for me it never has. I can say that being patient is definitely worth it. I hope accepting yourself is easier for you then it has been for me. But either way once you get there, life becomes good. And finding someone to share your happiness with makes it that much sweeter.Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-77780152718774891592011-03-28T09:34:00.000-07:002011-03-28T10:37:47.797-07:00Running Blues<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqvvHFONxMv_EVPqBcZoPfpn1HNR8I8hKfSqdnkNmLxy9_lUB_xZxpZppmCJ4ZRC9-h0XKOP2gIIwL_opwLF2HpRELJrsuVr_LeovvXjJ7YGdUyu-nyPgvak3y-S-9ON41uD2wzzb8TqfS/s1600/13.1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqvvHFONxMv_EVPqBcZoPfpn1HNR8I8hKfSqdnkNmLxy9_lUB_xZxpZppmCJ4ZRC9-h0XKOP2gIIwL_opwLF2HpRELJrsuVr_LeovvXjJ7YGdUyu-nyPgvak3y-S-9ON41uD2wzzb8TqfS/s320/13.1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5589171109848668674" /></a><br />My focus is all over the place lately. There is some family drama that is causing me a ton of unwelcomed stress. This has caused my diet and exercise structure to turn to shit. I have continued to run but that’s about it. Instead of working out, I meet up with friends for dinner and drinks. Granted, I have always done this but it’s usually only post-workout and not a replacement. So my weight has gone up a tad and my mood and esteem of myself has gone down the toilet. I ran my first ever ½ marathon yesterday though. As much as my running has sucked lately, I somehow felt exceptionally well during the race and finished faster than I thought I would! I’m still very slow so it took me 2:46:30 to finish but for me, that’s good. This course was difficult as it was full of hills. I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me a little that no one came out to support me. I guess I got spoiled on the full I ran in January. At least I had my teammates- Bertha, Myrna, Sara, and Marsha. We all ended up coming in at different times but we congratulated each other just the same. It is true that I run for ME but if I ran alone AND there was no one there to say “Congratulations!” at the end, I’m not sure I would keep it up. Maybe I would but it would be a lot more difficult to motivate myself and stay on track so to speak. I’m not upset that no one came out…I know that people have things going on, I guess I was just a little sad. My mood has not been great lately and it’s a lot harder to keep myself smiling. Good thing running makes me feel so good! I didn’t let it keep me down. I went and picked up some food and headed home to soak in the tub for a while. Just like with any sport…people can’t show up to cheer you on all the time for your event. You have to be able to cheer yourself on and do well for your own satisfaction. I mean, it feels great to finish something that’s so difficult for me whether or not there are any external people there to share it with. I just need to remember not to take it personally and know that people do support me whether or not they’re there. Hopefully soon this drama I’ve been dealing with will go away and I’ll be feeling like myself again.Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2084714610149216634.post-64406822164294268312011-03-16T09:53:00.000-07:002011-03-16T09:57:36.418-07:00Old, not wise, Forehead<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEFrXkJ337DxQ3OpAEGmVZYCVfcbk8JxOs9auO8Fd0441lxl5HulKHAuamXfw1VToO7kRrZ3Ub4P2flFuKnfMOvOop-WNuBcYMiEMe4M4LBKeN2Ok8UdOkq78HqplXu9KPxORIX79xVwur/s1600/anti_aging_244805.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 232px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEFrXkJ337DxQ3OpAEGmVZYCVfcbk8JxOs9auO8Fd0441lxl5HulKHAuamXfw1VToO7kRrZ3Ub4P2flFuKnfMOvOop-WNuBcYMiEMe4M4LBKeN2Ok8UdOkq78HqplXu9KPxORIX79xVwur/s320/anti_aging_244805.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5584722506298585522" /></a><br />I looked in the mirror today and I looked old. I have some wrinkles forming on my forehead that I knew would seep out sooner or later. I have spent a lot of my life scowling and now it’s apparent as the lines on my face tell everyone. They’re barely there (right now) but they’re there nonetheless. I was waiting for the day when I’d look at my reflection and see an aged image of myself. I think that day has come. People tell me I look young for my age all the time and while that may be true, I know I don’t look as young as some people imply. I see college aged girls and I think they look so tiny, so young, so inexperienced. I definitely don’t look like them. I’m okay with aging. What I’m really afraid of is getting old and sick. I try to stay healthy so that when I’m in my 80’s I can still do the things that I enjoy. Aging is probably going to be weird for me but I think I can handle it as long as I can remain active. Still, today I noticed my first real wrinkle forming and I can’t help but to imagine the rest coming in and aging me dramatically. I would like to stay looking young for a bit longer. Age does not sophisticate women like it does men. And I know that aging is inevitable.I just hope it's a slow moving process for me.Maharry Ballshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04079462685001544519noreply@blogger.com0