Anyone who knows me knows that I am a blunt person. I don’t believe in beating around the bush and speaking in hidden meanings. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. If something is bothering me I will speak up about it. If I feel uncomfortable, I will let you know. The alternative would be to just deal with things even though it would cause me discomfort all to spare your feelings. Wait…hold on… It’s not to spare the other person’s feelings! It’s to spare your own feelings! Think about it…
Let’s say you have a friend- “Brutus” that likes to talk your ear off on the phone and it bores you to no end. Instead of saying “Hey Brutus…you bore me” you will often say nothing. Instead you avoid Brutus’ calls all while letting other people know that Brutus bores the shit out of you. Your friends will laugh and say “Yeah, that Brutus sure does know how to talk.”
How are you sparing Brutus’ feelings by not being honest??? What you’re actually doing is avoiding telling him the truth because it’s hard to be honest sometimes. Being honest makes YOU uncomfortable. However, you would rather sit there and “make fun of” Brutus to others thinking it’s no big deal. I think that’s awful. And this is why I like to tell people how I feel.
This does not come without a huge backlash however. I realize that I am not the norm when it comes to expressing the truth. People tell me all day long that they want me to be honest with them. They laugh when they hear of a time I was honest with someone else and say “Wow. That’s so cool you are able to do that!” BUT when it’s their turn to get a dose of honesty they are no longer laughing. They no longer think I’m cool for telling it how I see it. They get hurt. They get offended. They get defensive. They get every which way but grateful and appreciative. This has caused me to try to be subtle when letting people know how I feel. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings! But if they still don’t get it I will come right out and say it. I don’t see any other way to handle things while still respecting them as a person. Does this sometimes make me uncomfortable though? YES! I don’t want to be viewed as the “bad guy” or as a “bitch” because I’m not those things. I just don’t see why I should have to go on being uncomfortable or bothered by something just because it’s difficult to tell the truth. Just because in doing so I sometimes hurt people.
I hope everyone who knows me knows that I can take it as well as I can dish it, so to speak. If I bother you…tell me! Constructively would be preferred but even without suggestions and examples I would rather you tell ME I suck then avoid me and go behind my back and tell everyone else.
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That's why me and you can banter back and forth like we do. And that is why I have no friends because every time I am honest with someone about how I really feel, they think I am a bitch and write me off, delete me from their phone - social network site, whatever. If you haven't, watch "The Invention of Lying," that was a cool movie where no one could lie, until "lying was invented" of course. I wish there was no such thing as lying....
ReplyDeleteThere is definitely a right and a wrong way to being honest. Unfortunately, sometimes it doesn't matter and people will write you out of their life. I have found that usually when I'm honest people will, at first, be hurt and mad at me BUT after some time has passed they will understand my intentions and not hold it against me any more. People just don't like feeling rejected or incompetent so their initial reaction is to take it as an attack. But like I said above...it's either that or never knowing they are doing something that is bothering someone else. I think I'd rather feel attacked for a moment than to think someone like me (or whatever) when they really don't.
ReplyDeleteThat's true, I forget that no matter what kind of argument I have had with people and or the truth came out and they got pist, they almost ALWAYS crawl back into my life. Funny thing is, I have only initiated contact back with the other person a handful of times cuz I am always afraid of them thinking "what does this bitch want?" but they usually always take me back. No one can stay mad at Chris for long :-D I am just too damn entertaining!
ReplyDeleteIt's all in the delivery. If I have learned nothing else in Tennessee it is that you can follow anything with "bless your heart" and it makes it ok. LOL. You just need some southern charm.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, be honest always, be soft when you can and everyone who can't appreciate that is not likely someone you could trust in the end. I personally would much rather know you have problem with me to my face then behind my back. To find out through the grapevine is much more hurtful than hearing it from the horses mouth.
Jenn