Time to Open My Big Mouth

I communicate best through words on paper. My thoughts seem to flow out effortlessly and accurately. Verbalizing my concerns becomes a bit tricky for me however. Suddenly my brain jumbles everything and I forget what point I’m trying to make. This has become a problem for me. When confronted I usually choose to shut down rather than talk because I know it’s probably not going to turn out well. I will forget what I’m “fighting” for and likely become defensive and angry at myself for not being able to properly and calmly convey my thoughts. Through-out life I have learned that the best way to fix something is to practice, practice, practice! I need to expose myself to voice. When something bothers me or my feelings get hurt I need to learn to save the typing for something less heavy and open my throat up and speak. This will leave me open to rejection and ridicule but if I want to lessen being misunderstood by people it’s what I feel I must do.

This is a scary thought for me. Anytime I have anything of importance to say, I type it. I definitely see the advantages of communicating this way but lately I have run into some real disadvantages as well. My mind doesn’t seem to work like everyone else’s. I don’t understand why and I have a hard time accepting the processes that go on in other people’s heads. No matter how clear I think I am on paper, time and time again people misunderstand me which baffles and angers me. I don’t understand how it happens! I am so careful with the words that I choose. I’m so careful to say exactly what I mean without any hidden agendas. How can so many people misinterpret what I say?? I don’t think I will ever understand. But some things aren’t meant to understand. What I can do however, is change my behavior to give me better results. So I am going to try to talk more and type less when it comes to things that are important to me with those who are important to me. Hopefully this will help people to understand me better and learn that I don’t just get my feelings hurt for fun. My feelings get hurt because it seems that no matter how hard I try I can’t understand or believe how people misunderstand me and react accordingly. This is MY problem though…no one else’s so…I will be the one to react accordingly and hopefully put an end to hurt feelings and misunderstandings by me and those associated with me.