No Need to be Ashamed

I wish more people understood anxiety and depression. I wish more people believed that sometimes medication is necessary to regulate things. I have to admit that I never believed in it until I realized that I’m one of those people who need medication. I guess I just find it odd that people are all for medicine to help people with disease, rehab for those sick with addictions, and insulin for diabetes, but once people hear you take something to help regulate your serotonin and hormone levels they think it’s bullshit. I don’t JUST take medicine to help me. I work on myself as well BUT I have certain chemical levels that are out of whack without the use of medication. I believe this now because twice I have chosen not to take my medicine like I’m supposed to and twice I have had extreme negative reactions. I went back to feeling like my old miserable self again and felt like no matter what I did I couldn’t crawl out of the hole I was slipping in. I’m still struggling right now but I have great friends, a supportive boyfriend, and I know that soon everything will even back out and I’ll get back to feeling good again. Is the medicine necessary to live? No. But not being able to behave and feel how I want to and how I’m trying so hard to makes it more than worth it to take the medicine. If I’m feeling happy and calm but inside my mind is racing and I’m crying non-stop…it becomes very confusing and very frustrating. It is hard to explain but I do know that my moods even out and I’m able to let negative feelings go faster when my chemicals are up to par. It’s not my fault I was born this way and luckily there ARE medicines to help out. It doesn’t mean that I’m crazy and it doesn’t mean that I’m lazy. It means that my body doesn’t produce enough natural “feel good” juice and so I simply take a tiny pill to help out. I don’t get a sense of euphoria or anything like that either. In fact I don’t feel anything. But when I don’t take it I feel a whole lot of anxiety and depression and paranoia. That is not how I want to live my life and don’t think I should have to.