The Shanty

The Shanty
where I grew up

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

No Games Here

It was recently told to me that I play “lovers games”. I cannot express enough how much this phrase pissed me off. This statement came about because in the past year or so I have dated a few different guys. How this relates to playing games I’m not sure though. To imply that just because I’ve had different boyfriends means I’m just playing around is absurd and offensive. In fact I do just the opposite. If I were playing games then I’d still be dating them. That’s the difference though… I know what I want and if I don’t get it, then I move on. I don’t see what’s wrong with that. How am I supposed to find someone who is right for me if I don’t date different people?? Am I supposed to latch on to the first thing that shows interest in me and never let him go whether or not he meets up to my standards?! Again, this is crazy talk. Do I have high standards? Damn straight. I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t unless maybe they offer less than that themselves. Well I don’t. I’ve spent a long time thinking that I was undateable. I’d get the same complaints guy after guy. Finally I decided that the complaints that they had weren’t because I’m a bad person but rather that our personalities didn’t mesh well enough. So that’s what I’ve come up with. I AM a dateable person I just needed to be happy being me and doing my own thing for long enough to realize that and embrace it. And then when the time was right, someone would come along who not only allows me to be myself but who GETS me. That time came a lot sooner than I thought it would but I’m happy that it did. For once I feel secure and loved unconditionally. For once I feel at peace and just all around happy. There is nothing quite as great as knowing I can be myself, bad parts and all, and know that my boyfriend isn’t going to walk on eggshells, isn’t going to ridicule me or overly praise me, isn’t going to ignore me, and certainly isn’t going to leave me. Am I glad that I dated before meeting him? Absolutely. For if I hadn’t our timing wouldn’t have been right. Did I play with people’s hearts in order to get where I’m at today? Of course not. I hold people’s feelings in a high regard. And in return people need to be positive and happy for me. I’m tired of the “good lucks” and the “be cautious” and the implications that my life and others’ is some kind of game for me. It’s not. Not that I have to prove myself to anyone but if people are truly my friends perhaps they should think a little bit more before making light of something I take so seriously. I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time now and don’t need the approval of anyone. What I need is for people to trust that I know what is best for me and leave it at that.

Monday, April 18, 2011

My Secret to Happiness

Can you honestly say that you love yourself? Can you say that you are happy with who you are and fully accept that person? This is a much more difficult task then it sounds. Or maybe it’s just me but I have finally come to realize that I am a good person and I am worth loving. I’m a strong believer in continuously and consistently working on self-improvements. This is something I plan to do for the rest of my life. For the most part I love who I have become. I used to think I was damaged and difficult and even unlovable at times. What a miserable life that was for me. So how did I learn to accept the me that I’ve become?

I would like to attribute it all to hard work and dedication but that would be a lie. A huge part of it is all my failed relationships and the support from my friends. I’ve been treated worse than I’d like to admit by men who I loved so much. I was convinced that things didn’t work because we must not be compatible enough which was based largely on the fact that I thought I was too difficult. Well a couple months ago I decided that I’m no more difficult than others. I am in fact a good person and I am not difficult to love. How can I have so many friends who love me if that were the case? I had accepted that I would be okay to be single for the rest of my life if it meant I could continue to be me and live comfortably as that.

No, this isn’t a “woe is me” type of statement. I could get a boyfriend and I could make it work. I’m just tired of trying to make things work. I just want to be me and for things to feel natural and unforced. And if I can’t find that, then that’s okay. I’d rather be alone and happy. And that’s really when it sunk in…the secret to being happy. The secret is as simple as- loving yourself. I mean, truly deeply loving yourself. You need to be alone in order to do this. If you don’t think you’re a good person or there is some flaw that has you in disgust, then work on it. But whatever you do, don’t try to find someone who will love you “as is” if you can’t even love yourself. Again, I could find people to love me how I am. And in fact, I’ve done so in the past. It wasn’t right though. It’s not fair to anyone to be this way when I couldn’t even love myself.

After you’ve accepted yourself then, and only then can you try to find someone special to share that with. It needs to be someone who also accepts themselves. Not only that but you have to be compatible with them. Wow…that’s a lot of good timing and chance! But I assure you it’s possible. Is it a hard, lonely road? Yes, it certainly can be. It’s easy to give in to the idea that someone loves you and to try and make something out of that. However, in the long run it doesn’t work. At least for me it never has. I can say that being patient is definitely worth it. I hope accepting yourself is easier for you then it has been for me. But either way once you get there, life becomes good. And finding someone to share your happiness with makes it that much sweeter.