The Shanty

The Shanty
where I grew up

Monday, October 25, 2010

What is this "love ya" crap about?

I find it interesting the fears we have in saying certain things. Some friends will never say “I love you” to each other…in any lingo. While a vast majority opt for “love ya” as their way of showing they love their friends. People might claim they’ve never thought about it before but I think they have. I think saying “love ya” is a conscious choice as opposed to “I love you”. Do you talk to your spouse that way? What about family members? It’s doubtful. I think people prefer a more tongue in cheek way of expressing themselves although I’m not really sure why. I mean, I guess “I love you” has been somewhat taboo for some time. I know growing up, friends never said it to each other in any form…at least not that I can remember. It’s a newer thing and with technology…you know texts and facebook pages…it’s easier to convey yourself without the embarrassment of face to face expressions. To say “I love you” means romantically or reserved for your family for many I think. Changing it to “love ya” is more of a friendly term that can be used on anyone without fear of rejection. It really is the same thing though isn’t it? After all “you” is what is getting changed, not “love”. Also the omission of “I” makes it less personal but again, the word “love” remains untouched.

I rarely say “love ya” unless maybe I feel like the person will think I’m weird to say I love them and less weirded out by referring to them in slang. All I know is that there are many different levels of love. I tend to love quickly…friends or otherwise. I might not know you that well or see you often but I probably do have a level of love for you. That doesn’t make me creepy though, haha. And it doesn’t mean that I romanticize about you either! If I feel that level of love for you, you’ll know it. Otherwise I mean it in a sincere but non-romantic way.

I don’t know…is it just me, or have others noticed the different ways to announce your love? What is your take on it?

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Glowing Beauty

Jump from the ‘photos’ page are
Sparkly, shiny, skinny, slinky…
Not me.
I smile, I laugh, I dance,
I try.
I shovel the confidence
From brain to behavior.
But I still feel so transparent.
Blending of our souls
Causes bleeding of our hearts
Raining down love
The mist fogs up my eyes.
Insecurities return but for once
I lower the bridge and drown the trying,
While welcoming the embrace you offer.
I may not know why,
And I may never see what you do.
But whatever beauty you see in me
I allow.
I smile, I laugh, I dance,
I become the me that you admire and...
I glow.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Bunions Are Not Warts

A common statement out of my mouth is, “I have bad feet.” People always ask me what that means exactly and I hesitate to explain. There are several television shows I’ve seen that imply (or falsely show) a bunion is a wart type growth on the foot…something disgusting that only nasty people with nasty feet get. So you can understand my hesitation of saying, “I have bunions.”

Allow me to educate you on what a bunion is:

“The common bunion is a localized area of enlargement of the inner portion of the joint at the base of the big toe. The enlargement actually represents additional bone formation, often in combination with a misalignment of the big toe. The normal position of the big toe (straight forward) becomes outward-directed toward the smaller toes. The enlarged joint at the base of the big toe (the first metatarsophalangeal joint) can become inflamed with redness, tenderness, and pain. A small fluid-filled sac (bursa) adjacent to the joint can also become inflamed (bursitis) leading to additional swelling, redness, and pain.”

Basically it’s extra bone growth on the outside of your big toe lower joint. Do you have any idea what extra bone growth feels like? It is not something you can treat and make it go away. The only way to get rid of it is to have surgery. Painful surgery at that…I had a bunionectomy on my right foot around 8 years ago. Incidentally I had to have the procedure re-done just weeks after due to pins backing out of the bone. I currently have an ugly scar along with a literal loose screw pushing the skin up next to my scar. What exactly is a bunionectomy? The cut into your foot about 2 inches from your upper toe joint down. They then shave the extra bone off with a big “file” followed by breaking your big toe, finished by reattaching the tendons. Metal rods and screws are inserted in the broken toe to hold it in place. The reason for the broken toe is that the bunion causes the big toe to slant inward toward your other toes. So much so, it needs to be realigned. The healing time takes forever it seems and the pain is excruciating. There is no cast give to prevent bumping it or anything like that.

Because of my bunions I cannot wear closed toe shoes. In fact, I can’t wear any shoes unless they are in flip flop “fashion”. I love all the cute shoes girls get to wear but not me. My feet would never be able to squeeze into those shoes and even if they did, the throbbing agony I would be in has brought me to tears before. Running obviously requires closed toe shoes so I pay extra for ones made for those with bunions. They are still a very tight fit width-wise but they’re as good as it’s going to get unless I listen to the podiatrist and stop running altogether.

Bunions occur in women more than men. They can be hereditary or caused by wearing too small of shoes when younger and/or continuing to do so. Surgery does not guarantee they won’t come back. Even my right foot is starting to form another bunion. I’ve been brought to tears by getting bumped in that area or stepped on. It constantly hurts me. There is not much I can do though. I may consider surgery on my left foot…along with that removal of my loose screw on my right foot (it’s freaky and it hurts…although it is fun to say!) but not until after I complete the marathon I’m training so hard for.

My feet look pretty normal until I point out my ailments. Most people who have bunions as bad as mine are much, much older than me. I was definitely the youngest patient at the podiatrist 8 years ago when I was only 22 and needing surgery to ease the pain. As you can see below, when my feet are pushed together my toes are no where near touching like yours probably are...just to give you an idea of how far over my toes go.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Family is Relative

Love can change but real love shouldn’t dissipate. If you are a good person and you make effort, love can last. I am proof of this. I dated Jeromy for around 5 years. In that time I became very close to his parents. In fact, everyone who meets them instantly adores them. Lee and Jeanette Graves are the coolest, kindest people around. And they love to spoil you when you go out for a visit :) Needless to say I felt love for them both and still do. And I know they love me too. Things become tricky when a relationship breaks up however. It didn’t matter to me though, I loved the Graves’ and I was going to continue to. I have not stayed in touch with them as often as I would like to but I still do to some degree. And in fact, I’m way overdue for a visit. They have the best place to get-away from the city life and just relax, play games, and have a great time. In addition to staying in contact with Jeromy’s parents, I remain friends with some of his cousins and his brother. A lot of people say that it’s weird or say “Why would you do that?” and to them I say, “Why wouldn’t I?” Just because things didn’t work out with Jeromy and I doesn’t mean I have to cut all ties with people I grew to love. Of course Jeromy is okay with this too. He has even grown to become one of my best friends.

Then came James. Him and I dated on and off for 3 years. There was a brief amount of time we were engaged as well so it was a good thing I got along so well with his family. His mom and step-dad, Nancy and Carlos Colvin, accepted me from the beginning, even though James told me they probably wouldn’t, which I still find funny. I always felt welcomed around them though. The same goes for his brothers and sisters…things were always comfortable. So it is no surprise that I remain close to them and love them as I would any of my friends. They have always made clear that it doesn’t matter what ends up happening with James and I (meaning if we end up not being friends) I am always welcome in their home. This means so much to me! And in fact, I had the pleasure of visiting with them last night. It had definitely been too long.

There are other interesting relationships I have with people due to ex’s of mine. Kacy is a good example of that. My ex boyfriend’s ex wife. It’s still fun to tell people that. I also remain close to all the people in Phoenix I know because of Jeromy. I am still their friend and am still welcome to gatherings they have. They didn’t disregard me as a person just because he and I broke up. And then there’s Connor. How awesome is it that I still get to be such a big part of Connor’s life?! I have Kacy to thank for this. I made a promise to that kid that I would always love him and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. So what if people think it’s weird. I think it’s weird to cut all ties once a relationship goes sour. It makes no sense to me. It feels like an elementary school mentality. You know, when you dislike someone, you tell all your friends to hate them too. Makes sense for young kids to think this is appropriate but for adults?! I don’t think so.

When I welcome someone into my life and grow to love them I mean that forever. Unless there are other circumstances that cause us to drift apart I certainly won’t let that happen based on my relationship status alone! People can think it’s weird or uncommon but for me it’s just the opposite. It is VERY common and remains comfortable for me to remain close to these people. They obviously love me as a person as I do them. And I wouldn’t want to lose that for the world.