The Shanty

The Shanty
where I grew up

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Accepting My LARGE Self

Just over 3 years ago I had surgery on my left foot. This was also the same time that John moved to Tucson. In the year following these events I gained 50 pounds. Partly due to not being able to get around much and partly due to the new relationship “curse” where you become super comfortable and tend to eat like crap. It has been a rough three years since then regarding weight.

It seems as though no matter what I do or try I can’t drop the weight I gained. I have lost some but not nearly as much as I want to. It’s okay though because recently I have been working with my personal trainer at the gym to change my eating habits. This has been very effective and I definitely feel much better and I know that I am healthy, (my blood work from the doctor’s office verifies this). However, I just can’t seem to drop the weight. I am not looking for suggestions or opinions as to why this might be. I believe it has to do with a mental block of some sort. No matter though, the important thing is that I’m healthy and I physically feel good.

Does that mean I’m comfortable with the way I look?? Hell no. It really bothers me actually—especially when I see pictures of myself. I feel okay until I see how big I actually look in a picture. This would normally keep me from taking photos or posting photos but I realized that this reasoning is bullshit. Anyone can take a good picture at just the right angle to make themselves look prettier or thinner or whatever. But you still aren’t fooling yourself so what’s the point? I don’t want to not post pictures because I feel fat and disgusting. I want to post them, showing events and my involvement. I almost didn’t post the picture of me with my brother because I know I look HUGE. But that made me sad because the picture isn’t about me, it’s about him and how awesome he did! Who cares what I look like?? I was happy and proud and that’s all that should matter.

I know people who don’t see me regularly look at pictures I post and think “damn, she gained a lot of weight,” and you know what, you’re right! But I’m healthier than I’ve ever been and eventually the weight will come off but in the meantime LIFE HAPPENS. It’s okay if you look at pictures of me and wonder what happened and that I used to look so much better. Trust me, I know this. But to not post pictures and capture moments would be far sadder than wondering what people are thinking about me.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

My Solo Trip to Miraval Arizona

It’s been around a month since I spent 4 glorious days and 3 nights at Miraval. While I was there I made video journals of my experience. I’ve been hesitant to post all of them because they’re lengthy and I figured no one would want to watch hours of me talking. So, about a week after my vacation I made a video summary of my experience which is still pretty long but much shorter than all my other videos. However, some people have expressed desire to watch my experience as it unfolds so I have decided to post both the summary (at the bottom) and all the individual videos I made while I was at Miraval. Additionally I have included some sped up footage of the property (sorry if it makes you dizzy!) and some pictures of the food I enjoyed as well as some other random things, and perhaps a celebrity as well ;)

Obviously, feel free to skip ahead as you see fit and all comments and/or questions are appreciated. I’m curious to see if anyone sees a difference from the first day I arrived to the last. I know I can see a change in not only my face but my overall aura. And finally, I am sorry it has taken me so long to post this. I have had the worst luck getting my footage formatted correctly and to a site that would upload it, ugh. Enjoy!

Dinner sign-up sheet

Buffet-style lunch

Pretty picture colored by me :P

Buckwheat pancakes!!

Menu lunch

Naga Thai massage room

Delicious spicy watermelon appetizer

Another appetizer

Cool clouds

Dr Oz!!

More appetizers

Polenta lasagna

THANK YOU!!!! :)