The Shanty

The Shanty
where I grew up

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Love At First Skype

"Distance means so little when someone means so much."

There is no way I would ever consider being in a long distance relationship! How many times have you caught yourself denying a person based on one or two specifications? I hear it all the time... “I would NEVER date a smoker!” “I would never date someone with kids!” “I would never…blah, blah, blah”. I’ve tried to explain to people that if you met the right person, those things wouldn’t matter anymore. However I realized I was still doing the same thing I just thought mine made more sense. Why would anyone want to date someone who didn’t live in the same state or even same town as you?!

Now don’t get me wrong. There are definitely deal breakers that people have that hold more value than just what they do in their spare time or what their past entailed. Some people are adamant on mutual religion, others on race. And still others on criminal background, political affiliation, etc… These are still things that don’t seem like they should be a deal breaker to me but everyone has at least one and I try not to judge what yours might be. My deal breaker is that the person can not be an alcoholic. I’ve dealt with enough of that in one life time that I’m not willing to bend on it in my future. The rest of the things people proclaim they will not put up with really are petty and not true. You may try to argue with me on this but I know that certain things, if revealed appropriately, will not be as big of a deal as you think they are if you find true love. The key is to not be so close minded that you let someone really great pass you by because you’re caught up on something so insignificant. The key is to open your mind and turn those deal breakers into things you’d prefer weren’t so but not something that makes you completely look away.

I was recently faced with this and that’s how I’m quite certain deal breakers you train yourself to believe don’t really exist. While I was in Boston visiting my very good friend Kim I met someone. I met this random guy one drunken night at the bar while out for Kim’s birthday. He and I shared a couple drinks, danced a bit, and exchanged phone numbers all in the span of around 30 minutes and that was that. Or so I thought…

We spent the next couple days, weeks, texting, talking, and Skyping. Living out some long distance fantasy that would never be anything more than that. Perhaps we would meet somewhere, somewhere like the City of Sin, and have some whirlwind rendezvous! I mean, why not?! We were both single and the excitement of doing something so outside of my comfort zone sounded like just what I needed! And that’s just it…I was outside of my comfort zone. What about this guy was making me feel comfortable to behave and think in ways I never have before? Was it the safety of distance? The safety knowing that nothing would ever actually come of this? Perhaps. But either way I liked it. I became someone I always knew I could be but never could draw out of myself. And now this guy who was nearly 3,000 miles away was encouraging this side of me that I was really starting to like and feel comfortable with.

Well, some more time went by and this fantasy was quickly shaping into more than just some lustful dream. I was actually beginning to like this guy. I won’t go into too much detail here but he and I have a lot in common. I joke and say that I think we share part of the same brain. How could I be falling for someone over text and Skype though? No. I would just suppress my feelings and go back to thinking in hot, steamy fantasy land. So much for that effort. It was useless, I couldn’t help it…I was actually falling for him. Fortunately for me, he was feeling the same way. We knew it didn’t make logical sense but we couldn’t deny our hearts just the same. And being the logical people that we both are made this admittance difficult. So he made plans to come to Tucson. He knows one other person here, who he’s staying with so that made the planning and arrangements that much "safer" and secure for us and our loved ones.

Once the ticket had been purchased we decided to do a “dry run” if you will, on being exclusive. We still knew that it wasn’t very realistic or plausible but we both cared and trusted the other enough to give it a shot to see how it’d go. Then after his visit we would re-evaluate and figure out what our next move would be, if any at all. This past month has actually been very easy for me as far as being committed to a man so far away. No one here even comes close to catching or keeping my attention the way he does. I know I don’t want this to end but come on! A long distance relationship? Really?? Yes, really. There is a good chance it won’t be long distance for too long but even if it were I know he is worth it. No one has ever been so thoughtful and attentive to me. No one has ever quite gotten how my mind works before until now. No one has ever not wanted kids in the same capacity as me! Ha! Yes, that’s right…such a hard thing to find and yet I did. And for once in my life I found someone willing to put in as much effort as I am and to be available as much as I am.

His trip out to Tucson is kind of the last “test” to be sure we are as compatible as we feel we are. So far we have been missing touch, smell, and just actual presence of one another. I don’t see how it could possibly go wrong but we are both aware that there is a chance it could. Neither of us wants that to happen even though if things didn’t work out it would be a lot easier on us both. I don’t want easy though. I want the relationship I’ve held out for that I always knew existed. Have I said this before and been wrong? Of course. But with each failed relationship I learn more about myself and what I need out of a relationship. So for those of you who are holding back excitement for me because you feel “here she goes again” can seriously go fuck yourselves. And those of you who feel “how could she fall for someone so fast and over text and Skype no less?!” can hopefully learn something from this post. I was one of those doubters. I was someone who felt it took much, much longer to know if you were in love. Well, sometimes logic is wrong. I know this now. And I’m not going to fight it. I will do whatever I need to do to make this work out. I haven’t felt this way in a very long time (no offense to anyone else) and I’m cherishing every moment of it.

Tomorrow morning I will get to see John for basically the first time. We’ll get to share our first kiss and our first live moments together as a couple. From everything I’ve learned so far, between the 8,000 plus texts and hours upon hours of Skype and phone time, I have fallen in love with this man and I’m not ashamed to admit it or to go for it all the way. And if for some reason things don’t work out…this journey has been worth it a million times over. I’m so excited for tomorrow and for every day that follows. What started as just a fantasy has turned into something much more meaningful. How can I not be excited for that?! How can I not appreciate the way things have gone thus far? The irony of having two logical minds come together at the heart is enough to make me want more.


  1. I totally understand where you're coming from! I've honestly had a long distant relationship and wish it could've been more. He did too, but I was scared to have more with him and I know he was a good person for me. We even went to Vegas to see each other. But I withdrew, by being scared. I'm telling you now, don't hold anything back. Just let it flow and it'll work out just fine. I love how this is a trial run and you both are willing to make the effort. I will always be happy for you, no matter what! You will always have my support in whatever you decide with your life. You're a good friend to me and I always wish the best for you! I hope you have a wonderful time and it works out for the best! (Ohhh...and another thing...I know you weren't looking for anyone at the time...and it reminded me of what my mom always says..."When you least expect it"...and I think that happened to you...and I think those are the best kind!) :o)

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