The Shanty

The Shanty
where I grew up

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Life's Little Changes

The choice to not have kids comes with some repercussions that aren’t easy to accept sometimes. Around the time all your friends start (and continue) having children their lives change. They are no longer available whenever, they can no longer guarantee anything anymore. Luckily for them, they are going to have other friends who are having babies who can relate. But what about those of us who choose not to reproduce?? There is a stage of loneliness that lasts until your friends kids are more grown up. During this time period you more than likely will flock to older friends or possibly even younger ones who don’t yet have children. We all have a need to be liked and to spend time with friends. The truth is it’s much easier to do when you don’t have children. It’s not impossible but it does become more difficult once a little one is dependent on you. Additionally your priorities aren’t the same any more (or at least they shouldn’t be!). Childless couples are still focusing on doing things for each other and their finances flow a bit more freely with no extra expenses to worry about unlike their counterparts.

Now I’m not saying that you will lose certain friends should you choose to have children or not have children BUT things do become a lot more complicated and sparse.  During this time you should try to remember that your friends aren’t abandoning you…they’re just simply busier now than they used to be. This is hard for me to remember sometimes. Occasionally it feels like the universe is punishing me because I don’t want children. Since it isn’t the norm it is hard at times. People are always asking why and how come and saying that I should and that it’s a pity because I’d make a great mother. Who’s to say this is true? And who’s to say THAT’S the reason why I choose not to have children? Trust me, choosing not to reproduce is not a pity nor is it a shame. Nor is there anything wrong with this choice. There are bouts of solitude however but it’s not painful enough to make my own mini companion.

I will always have friends who make time for me and other friends who share the same choice in life as I do and are therefore more available. But because it isn’t the most popular of choice, it is emotionally difficult at times. I suppose it’s difficult anytime your life takes a turn and heads in a different direction than your friends'—Kids vs. No Kids being one of the biggest ones. I suggest you keep your friends but also get some new ones whose lives are more parallel to your own. Once things settle down a bit you will be glad you have all your old friends and new ones as well. Just don’t get offended in the meantime if it seems you don’t have much in common anymore…you will likely find some common ground once again.

No comments:

Post a Comment