Monday, March 14, 2011
I’ve worked so hard to move past all of the pain and hurt. I’ve worked so hard at becoming a better person…a good person. I push myself because I choose to do so, not because someone has told me I should. Life is almost never easy for me. I struggle daily. And just when I thought breathing was a little bit easier I am reminded of everything I hate about myself and I start to slide backwards into a hole of depression. This time the hole is pretty deep. Luckily some other good things have taken place to help pull me out a bit but I’m still pretty far gone and basically numb to most everything. I believe that as soon as I get some solid answers about the stressors I’m dealing with, I can begin to heal myself further and come out of this stronger than before. I really hope this is the case anyway. It needs to be the case. I haven’t worked as many years as I have to repair my spirit to lose it all now. I just received a promotion at work and I can’t even be happy about it. I was for about two days and now I’m just overwhelmed with other thoughts. I just need some answers. The hurt and pain will go away. I am a good person. I’ve worked hard to become a good person with happiness and I will continue to move in that direction if it takes everything I’ve got.
So if I haven’t been myself lately or the good friend I know I should be, I apologize. My mind has not been quite right lately.