Some of my more recent posts on facebook have caused some of you to think that I let small annoyances ruin my day. I guess it’s the way I word things or how I label people as “dumb”. In hindsight I can see why those of you who don’t know me that well would think that I would allow something so trivial upset me. What actually upsets me is that I don’t understand why people don’t want to better themselves. The more I talk to people the more I learn that maybe this isn’t what the “problem” is and that maybe the problem is all in my mind. Let me tell you about my mind…
I normally wouldn’t do this for fear of sounding conceded but I assure you I am not viewing it in this way at all. As I’m about to explain and as I believe…I view myself as average so I am not talking myself up here.
I view myself as average in intelligence. If anything, maybe a bit above average but nothing too far away from plain ol’ average. Therefore my mind leads me to believe that anyone less intelligent than me is below average…short hand being “dumb”. I don’t look down on people with less intelligence but I can’t wrap my mind around why they would want to stay that way. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand it. Either way, viewing myself as average, or like MOST of the world, has me believing that MOST everyone thinks like me to get to the same conclusions. Well, I’ve been told this is not true but again, I just can’t wrap my mind around it.
I am an extremely efficient person who is always coming up with better and faster ways to get things done. I see people wasting their time and I wonder why they don’t do it the way I would to save themselves some time. Not only am I efficient but I’m also accurate…so speeding up the process for me does not come at a cost of more errors. Everyone is like this right? Well at least those average like me and everything above are…how can people not be? It’s seems so simple.
School has always been easy for me. I’ve never struggled at it. I’ve never spent hours studying and don’t spend time scratching my head out of confusion. If I’m taught something, it makes sense to me…always. I’m logical and so things just always make sense to me at the level of learning new information. Sure there are things I’m better at than others things but so far I have never failed at something I’ve tried…not to say that time won’t come and in a way I hope it does. But I believe that NO ONE should fail if they try not to. Those who do just aren’t applying themselves hard enough. Logically this makes sense to me, after all if I can do it, so can anyone else at my intelligence level or above. This is where my frustration sets in. Why wouldn’t people want to apply themselves?
It is told to me that not everyone “gets” everything no matter how hard they try. Again, this is foreign to me and I’m not even sure I really believe it. I mean, I know it’s true but only because I’ve accepted it as a fact, not because my mind can make sense of it. All I know is my brain and how my mind works…which seems so simple…why can’t everyone be like this? Of course I wouldn’t want everyone to be like me either, so don’t get me wrong. I’m speaking about intelligence here and the way minds process things. I am in no way stating that I am better than anyone else…it’s just a confusion I have.
People tell me that I’m not simply average and that I should feel lucky and blessed that things come so easy to me and that I don’t struggle when it comes to learning. I want to believe they’re right but doing so would mean that I am smart. How did I get this way? Certainly not from the wonderful models in my life. Was I born with a “smart brain”? I don’t know. I did advance quickly when I was younger…walking by month 7, reading in a 3rd grade classroom when I was in Kindergarten, for example.
I’m not sure this makes me lucky though. I feel it’s more of a curse than anything. To not be able to understand the way other people’s minds work… that sucks. I keep trying but until it can be proven to me (and since intelligence is really all relative I’m sure it never can be) I’m not sure I’ll ever fully comprehend and be more sympathetic. I also don’t think I would ever label myself as “above average” because wouldn’t that take some kind of trying?? I really do have a battle going on in my head. Why wouldn’t people want to do things more efficiently?? Why??? I honestly don’t get it and sadly I might never.