The Shanty

The Shanty
where I grew up

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Tomorrow Maybe

What makes us who we are?
I look in the mirror and I see a broken girl.
To what do we live for?
I wake up every moment alone.
Life has always been such a struggle.
a struggle for me.
I could never create life from one so hard.
So tired of being sad, exhausted from depression.
Often I want to crawl underground.
To relax. To laugh. To be at peace with my mind.
I hate it you know?
Nothing is simple.
Nothing comes with ease.
I feel so damaged and so unable to be happy.
To be truly loved.
Life has always been so difficult.
I can’t love myself.
I can’t.
I thought for a moment I did but it was just…
A phase.
Where do I go from here?
I could give up or keep pushing ahead.
Sometimes I think I’m crazy.
Sometimes I feel so unstable I scare myself.
I sadden myself. I hate myself!
With the biggest desire to learn to love me.
Maybe one day I will. It’s my hope.
Life is very empty without the love of yourself.
Wish someone would have taught me how to.
Wish I could just figure it out.
There’s nothing I want more.
I so badly desire to feel love from myself.
Don’t I think I deserve it?
Out of all the anger I carry, I hold the most
For myself.
One day,
Some day,
I hope to feel free from the demons in my head.
Not today, but maybe tomorrow.

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