The Shanty

The Shanty
where I grew up

Monday, August 2, 2010

Work in Progress

How long does it take to really get to know someone?? Everyone has different opinions about this and it really depends on how much you’re willing to share about yourself and how fast. I, for one, am go!go!go! when it comes to sharing information about me. I have no problem opening up and sharing EVERYTHING to just about anyone who cares to listen. I have nothing to hide and people tend to loosen up faster with me than they would with someone else and I like this. I like knowing that people trust me…and they can. I don’t judge people and like to make others feel comfortable with their thoughts and insecurities.

However, just because I open up so fast does not mean that I am easy to understand. I am a VERY complex person with lots of layers. In fact, I’m probably the most difficult person to understand that you’ll ever meet! I’ve been told this before (more than a few times). It takes a very special, loving kind of person to take the time to understand me and explore all the aspects of me. Some people have spent years trying to figure me out! But some people have also enjoyed that time, getting to know me, and getting to understand how I operate. Others can’t take it. They don’t have enough desire to spend time trying to unfold all the layers. There are even those who I thought just magically went through the walls I have built up but I know now, they just got through one with ease. They are all not that easy! I don’t behave this way on purpose either…it’s just who I am and who I’ve been told that I am- A COMPLEX PERSON. There are many days I wish I wasn’t so complex. I would love to have a thought and just let it rest at that but with all I’ve been through it’s not that simple for me. There are many days I’m sure my friends wish I was more simple as well…I can be quite a handful!

Often times I come across as being angry and negative. I understand how people misconceive this but it is just a misconception. Of course there are times when I let anger get the best of me. And there are times I choose not to put a positive spin on things. But more often than not I am just being cautious. I’m expressing what many think but are too afraid to say aloud so that I don’t hold onto anger or negativity. I say it as a way to try and release it so it doesn’t consume me. I feel it’s pretty healthy actually. You see, I know how to turn almost anything into a positive situation…I just also know the reality of things. And the reality is that the truth hurts sometimes and the truth isn’t always positive. But it should only hurt long enough to look at it critically and then move on. It shouldn’t ruin a good time or be anything more than a helpful tool into bettering yourself. Internally I am a very positive, peaceful person. I don’t hate. I’m not vindictive. I don’t even believe evil exists. People just don’t always understand me. And I don’t expect everyone to. I also don’t expect everyone to have the time and patience to really get to know the real me and not the me that shows up on the surface. I’m okay with this. I have plenty of people who are and for that I am grateful.

I guess I’m just trying to say that not everyone’s minds work in the same way and not everyone behaves in a “surface” way thus leading others to believe they are feeling great all the time and that life is just roses and sunshine. I am one who shows the real me always. Meaning, I behave no different in front of you as I do them. I act the same. Maybe this isn’t a good thing or the best way to go about life but it’s the way I am and there are people who admire me for this. Those who have taken the time to try and understand me better and who can appreciate all I've been through and all I strive to be. Those who know I have spent the past several years trying to figure myself out and become a better person. I'm definitely still a work in progress but until you really know me, I don't always come across that way which sucks because I don't like people thinking I'm negative or angry! I end up affecting people in a negative way and bringing them down. That is not a good feeling. Being complex definitely comes with it's disadvantages but the advantage is...I bet you'll never meet another person just like me! ;)


  1. and that is the way it should be, being like everyone else is boring! complex and full of quirks, idiosyncrasy out the wazoo, all of which makes up Amy...and that's the way it should be! ;0)

  2. You know I understand! I, too, am a very complex person. Because of all I've been through and just the way my personality happens to be. You and I have diffent complexities but we are both complex. I love you for who you are - nothing more, nothing less. I have had the privelege of getting to know you and I KNOW you are not a negative or angry person. Just one who has been through SOOO much and still holds her head high, loves more than anyone and lives life to the fullest. Please don't change! I love your complex ways!